title: Alzheimer’s’s from a distance: supporting loved ones far away, managing distance, visits, communication, coordinating care
description: Complete guide to supporting a loved one with Alzheimer’s’s from a geographical distance: managing guilt of separation, maintaining connection via phone video, organizing effective visits, coordinating care from a distance, monitoring technology, helping the primary caregiver, contributing financially, sharing family burden, and preserving relationships despite kilometers.
keywords: Alzheimer’s’s distance, loved ones far away, separation, guilt, visits, coordinating care, technology, distance caregiver, family
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Alzheimer’s’s, distance, separation, loved ones far away, guilt, visits, communication, coordinating care, technology, family
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Reading time: 34 minutes
“I live 500 km away, I can’t do anything.” “My sister handles everything, I feel useless.” “Guilt eats away at me: I should be there.” “When I call, Mom no longer recognizes me.” “How can I help from afar?” “I feel excluded from decisions.” “Visits = logistical nightmare and amplified guilt.”
Supporting a loved one with Alzheimer’s’s from a distance = Double challenge. On one side, helplessness: You don’t see the daily life, miss signs of deterioration, depend on information from others (sometimes filtered). On the other, massive guilt: You are not there physically, the primary caregiver is exhausted, family blames you for your absence (real or perceived). Yet, geographical distance ≠ impossibility to help. There are concrete ways to contribute, support, maintain connection, and lighten the primary caregiver’s burden, even at 1000 km.
This guide explores how to effectively support a loved one with Alzheimer’s’s despite distance, manage guilt, coordinate care, use technology, organize visits, and preserve relationships.
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Table of contents
2. Managing the guilt of separation
3. Maintaining connection despite distance
4. Organizing effective visits
5. Coordinating care from a distance
8. Supporting the primary caregiver
11. Preparing for the worst from a distance
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The challenges of distance {#defis-distance}
Lack of information
You don’t see:
Daily life: Actual state of the loved one (masked during calls).
Deterioration: Progression of the disease (gradual, imperceptible over the phone).
Living conditions: Home (dirt, dangers), food, hygiene.
Dependence: Information from the primary caregiver (sometimes minimizes or exaggerates).
Perception gap
Primary caregiver:
Sees everything: Decline, crises, difficulties (overwhelmed).
Says: “It’s terrible, I can’t take it anymore.”
You:
Phone: Loved one seems fine (good day).
Thinks: “Maybe exaggerating?” (doubt).
Conflict: Mutual misunderstanding (tensions).
Helplessness
Crises:
Call: “Dad got lost, found 3 hours later.”
You: 600 km (nothing immediate to do).
Frustration: Immense (helplessness).
Urgent decisions:
Hospitalization, Nursing home: Decided without you (lack of time).
Feeling excluded: Hurtful.
Logistics of visits
Constraints:
Distance: Travel time (fatigue).
Cost: Train, plane, gas tickets (budget).
Job: Limited leave.
Family: Children, spouse (obligations).
Result: Rare visits (guilt).
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Managing the guilt of separation {#culpabilite}
Universal guilt
Everyone feels:
Choice of separation: Work, family (legitimate but guilt-inducing).
Not there daily: “I should be present.”
Primary caregiver is exhausted: “Is it my fault?” (indirectly).
Origins of guilt
Expectations:
Own: “Good son/daughter lives nearby.”
Family: Blame (explicit or implied).
Society: Norm of close family (valued).
Comparisons:
Primary caregiver: “She does everything, I do nothing.”
False: Different contributions (not null).
Deconstructing
Distance ≠ Abandonment:
Life choices: Work, family elsewhere (legitimate).
Not selfishness: Building life ≠ Neglecting parents.
Helping is possible: Even from afar (different forms).
Geographical limits:
Reality: You are far away (fact).
Accept : Not changing (energy saving).
Focus : What you can do (not what you cannot).
Forgive yourself
Permissions :
Live life : Elsewhere (right).
Not sacrificing everything : Career, family (for parent).
Do your best : With current resources (sufficient).
Phrase : “I do what I can, where I am, with what I have. It’s enough.”
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Maintain the connection despite the distance {#maintain-connection}
Phone calls
Frequency :
Regular : 2-3 times/week (minimum).
Short : 10-15 min (better than long rare).
Times :
Best moments : Morning (clarity +), afternoon (avoid end of day = Fatigue).
Rituals : Same time, same day (landmarks).
Content :
Talk about your life : News, anecdotes (maintain connection).
Ask simple questions : “What did you eat today?” “Is the weather nice?”
Repeat : Same things (reassures).
Do not correct : Mistakes, confusions (accept).
Tone :
Soft, slow : Clear articulation.
Positive : Smile (heard in voice).
Video calls
Advantages :
See face : Stronger connection (than phone).
Gestures : Raised hand, smiles (non-verbal communication).
Limits :
Technology : Main caregiver must manage (initiate calls).
Confusion : Screen can be disorienting (at first).
Tools :
Easy : WhatsApp, Skype, FaceTime.
Tablet : Large screen (better than phone).
Letters and postcards
Paper :
Tangible : Concrete object (less abstract than a call).
Reread : Caregiver can reread several times (close).
Content :
Short : A few sentences (readable).
Photos : You, family (visuals).
Positive : Words of affection (“I love you”, “Thinking of you”).
Frequency : 1 card/week or every 2 weeks.
Recordings
Videos :
Short messages : 1-2 minutes (see/hear you).
Share : Caregiver shows to close one (calm moments).
Content : Hello, news, “I love you”.
Voice messages :
Your voice : Reassuring (familiar).
Listen : Several times (comfort).
Packages and gifts
Send :
Framed photos : You, family (decor for room).
Clothes : Soft (sweater, scarf).
Treats : Favorites (taste = Memory).
Flowers : Visuals, smell (stimulation).
Effect : Symbolic presence (materialized thoughts).
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Organize effective visits {#visits}
Frequency
Realistic :
1 time/month : Ideal (if distance <300 km).
1 time/2-3 months : If farther away.
1 time/year : Minimum (if very far, abroad).
Quality > Quantity : Prepared visit, present (better than many rushed).
Duration
Not too long :
2-3 days : Optimal (time close, caregiver, no fatigue).
1 week : If far (make the trip worthwhile).
Avoid : Too short (stress) or too long (fatigue for close one, tensions).
Preparation
Before the visit :
Talk to caregiver : State of close one (anticipate).
Book : Hotel nearby (not home = Intimacy for close one).
Plan : Gentle activities (do not overload).
Content of visit :
Time close : Calm presence (not excitement).
Help caregiver : Shopping, cleaning, tasks (relieve).
Moments of pleasure : Walk, meal, music.
Discussions : Family decisions (if necessary).
Manage shock
Visible degradation :
You see : Decline (since last visit).
Shock : Emotional (crying OK).
Do not show : In front of close one (anxiety).
After : Talk to caregiver, vent (tears, confusion).
After the visit
Maintain connection :
Call : Next day (say arrived well, thank you).
Photos : Send (shared moments).
Regularity : Plan next (reassures close one, caregiver).
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Coordinate care from a distance {#coordinate-care}
Regularly inform yourself
Caregiver calls :
Frequent : 1-2 times/week (state of close one).
Listen : Really (do not judge).
Questions :
Health status : “New symptoms?”
Treatments : “Medications taken?”
Appointments : “Next consultation?”
Assistance : “Who is coming? When?”
Participate organization
Remote tasks :
Research :
- Nursing home (options, rates, files).
- Financial aid (APA, PCH).
- Services (meal delivery, home help).
- MDPH, APA files (fill online).
- Insurances, mutuals (calls, letters).
- Appointments (make by phone).
- Health notebook (shared online).
- Consultation summaries (ask caregiver to send).
- Questions for doctors (prepare list, caregiver asks).
- Regular stimulation (no need for you).
- Progress tracking (you consult remotely).
- Shared activity (play together via video).
- Household help.
- Meal delivery.
- Day care.
- Equipment (wheelchair, medical bed).
- Alzheimer’s’s Training: Managing remote assistance
- SCARLETT: Cognitive stimulation remotely (online follow-up)
- Free guide to support people with Alzheimer’s’s
Administrative :
Medical follow-up :
Coordination tools
Applications :
Shared Google Calendar : Appointments (visibility for all).
WhatsApp Groups : Family communication (info, decisions).
Google Drive : Documents (prescriptions, certificates).
Digital health notebook : Treatments, history.
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Use technology {#technologie}
Monitoring
Cameras :
Installation : Close home (with consent).
Utility : Check if doing well (falls, wandering).
Ethics : Respect privacy (not total surveillance).
Sensors :
Motion detectors : Alerts if inactivity (at night).
Fall detectors : Bracelet, floor sensors.
Smartwatches : Geolocation (if wandering).
Facilitated communication
Simplified tablets :
Facilotab, Ardoiz : Senior interfaces (large buttons).
Facilitated calls : Contact photos (touch = Call).
Digital photo frames :
Connected : You send photos (automatic display).
Stimulation : Visuals (memories).
Cognitive stimulation
Applications :
SCARLETT : Adapted memory games (relative uses alone or with caregiver).
Benefits :
Limits of technology
Accept :
Does not replace presence : Tools = Supplements (not substitutes).
Learning : Main caregiver must manage (additional burden).
Resistance : Relative may refuse (new technologies).
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Contribute financially {#contribution-financiere}
Possible aids
Regular participation :
Monthly : Fixed amount (100-500€).
Usage :
Family agreement : Distribute (according to income).
One-time :
Emergencies : Hospitalization, home adaptation works.
Large expenses : Nursing home (remaining charge), funeral costs (anticipate).
Transparency
Clear accounts :
Traceability : Transfers (proofs).
Inform : Family (where money goes).
Avoid : Suspicions, conflicts (anticipated inheritance).
Recognition of contribution
Main caregiver :
Value : Your financial help = Real relief.
Do not guilt : “You just give money” (false, it counts).
Balance : Physical presence + Money = Complementarity (not competition).
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Support the main caregiver {#soutenir-aidant}
Listening
Call regularly :
Caregiver : Not just relative (he/she also needs to talk).
Listen : Fatigue, complaints, fears (without judging).
Validate : “I understand, it’s hard.”
Do not minimize : “It’s not that serious” (insulting).
Recognition
Thank :
Explicit : “Thank you for doing all this.”
Value : “You are amazing.”
Not obvious : Caregiver needs to hear (often forgotten).
Relief
Visits = Respite :
Take over : Care for relative (caregiver goes out, rests).
Propose : “This weekend, I’ll take care of Dad, you do what you want.”
Regular : Plan (anticipate, caregiver organizes life).
Concrete help
From a distance :
Online shopping : Order, deliver (relieves).
Reservations : Hairdresser, doctors (make appointments).
Administrative : Insurance calls, research (delegate).
During visits :
Cleaning, cooking, gardening : Heavy tasks.
Care for relative : Nights (caregiver sleeps).
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Participate in decisions {#decisions}
Inclusion
Family meetings :
Video : If far away (still participate).
Before decisions : Nursing home, end of life, finances.
Voice matters : Even far away, family member (rights).
Information
Keep informed :
Regularly : Condition of relative, developments.
No surprises : Decisions made without you (frustration).
Ask : “Include me please” (caregiver sometimes forgets).
Delegation
Trust :
Main caregiver : Daily (he/she decides emergencies).
You : Major decisions (consensus).
Accept : Not everything can be controlled (distance = Real limit).
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Distributing family load {#repartir-charge}
Adapted tasks
According to proximity :
Close geographically : Physical presence, daily care.
Far : Administrative, financial, research, coordination.
Equity :
Not equality : Different contributions (normal).
But equity : Each according to abilities (fair).
Communication
Regular meetings :
Family : Video call (once a month).
Agenda : Status of the close one, decisions, task distribution.
Clarity : Who does what? (avoids misunderstandings).
Avoid conflicts
No blame :
Distance : Not blamed (life choice).
Proximity : Not martyrized (choice too).
Recognition : All contributions (important).
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Preparing for the worst from a distance {#preparer-pire}
End of life
Discussions :
Wishes of the close one : If still lucid (advance directives).
Family : Consensus (therapeutic obstinacy? Palliative care?).
Documents :
Future protection mandate : Designate (guardian, medical decisions).
Will : Clarify (avoids conflicts later).
Death
Anticipation :
Plan : Who informs whom? Funeral (where, how)?
Finances : Cost of funeral (plan ahead).
Your presence :
Possibility : Quick trip (train, plane).
Money : Set aside (emergency cash).
Employer : Inform (possible leave).
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Accepting your limits {#limites}
Reality of distance
Facts :
You are far : 500, 1000 km (immutable).
You have a life : Family, work, obligations.
Not superheroes : Human, geographical, financial limits.
Acceptance :
Let go of guilt : Unnecessary (toxic).
Do your best : Where you are (sufficient).
Valuable contributions
Everything counts :
Regular calls : Maintain connection.
Financial help : Relieves.
Support for the caregiver : Listening, recognition.
Visits : Even rare (precious).
Coordination : Research, administrative.
Result : You help (really, concretely).
Forgiveness of self
Daily phrase :
“I do what I can, and it’s enough.”
Repeat : Until you believe it (really).
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Testimonials
Luc, 800 km from his mother
“Guilt ate away at me for 2 years. Sister on site (manages everything), I felt useless. Psychologist helped me see: Real contributions (daily calls to Mom, €200/month for housekeeper, research for nursing home, support for sister). Distance ≠ Abandonment. Now I accept: I do the maximum possible (where I am).”
Sophie, 400 km from her father
“Visits once a month (full weekend). I take care of Dad, brother rests. Cooking during the week (freeze), administrative tasks, walks. Short but intense. Dad doesn’t always recognize me, but presence matters. Technology helped: Tablet FaceTime (video calls 3 times a week).”
Marc, abroad, 5000 km
“Parent in France, me in Canada. Impossible to return often (once a year). Money: €300/month (daily help). Daily calls (Skype). Family coordination (WhatsApp group). End of life: I come (15h flight), there for the last days. Distance is horrible, but I do everything possible. No regrets.”
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Conclusion: Distance does not erase love
Accompanying a close one with Alzheimer’s’s from a distance = Huge challenge, devouring guilt, frustrating helplessness. However, geographical distance ≠ Inability to help. Regular calls, financial contributions, coordination of care, support for the main caregiver, prepared visits, technology: All concrete means to maintain connection, relieve burden, participate in the life of the close one. You will never be the main caregiver (physical proximity = Advantage impossible to compensate). But you are present, in your own way, with your means. And that matters. A lot. Let go of guilt, do your best, accept limits. Your love crosses kilometers. That’s what matters.
The keys to accompany from a distance:
1. ✅ Regular calls (2-3 times/week, short)
2. ✅ Quality visits (prepared, respite for caregiver)
3. ✅ Coordination of care (research, administrative)
4. ✅ Financial contribution (according to abilities)
5. ✅ Support for the main caregiver (listening, recognition)
6. ✅ Technology (video calls, monitoring, stimulation)
7. ✅ Accept limits (guilt = Unnecessary)
You are not alone. Our Alzheimer’s training supports caregivers from a distance. SCARLETT stimulates the close one (you follow from a distance). Free guide : All resources.
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DYNSEO resources to support you:
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This evening, you hang up the phone. 600 km separate you and Mom. She recognized your voice, smiled (you hear). “I love you,” you say. “Me too,” she replies. Three words. But they cross the distance, penetrate the heart. You cry. Guilt recedes (a little). You are far away, yes. But present. Every call, every visit, every euro sent, every support to your sister: All proof of love. Distance measures kilometers, not love. You love. That’s enough.