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The storm has passed. The screams have stopped, the tears are drying up, your child’s body is gradually relaxing. You are both exhausted, drained. And now what? How do you support this delicate phase that follows the crisis, this moment when the child slowly comes back to themselves but remains fragile?
The post-crisis phase is just as important as managing the crisis itself. It’s a moment when the child needs to regain a sense of security, recover physically and emotionally, and sometimes repair the bond that may have been shaken by the storm.
At DYNSEO, we have been supporting families of children with cognitive disorders for many years. This article guides you in supporting this crucial recovery phase.
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Understanding the Recovery Phase
What Happens in the Body
During a crisis, the child’s body has been flooded with stress hormones. After the peak, these hormones don’t disappear instantly:
- Cortisol remains elevated for a certain time
- The nervous system remains on alert
- The body is physically exhausted
- Regulation capacity is at its lowest
The Different Post-Crisis Phases
The Immediate Exhaustion Phase
Just after the peak, the child is often:
- Very tired
- Sometimes apathetic
- Unable to respond to requests
- Vulnerable to new overloads
The Fragility Phase
The child begins to recover but remains fragile:
- Very low tolerance threshold
- Risk of another crisis if too much is demanded
- Need for calm and security
The Progressive Recovery Phase
The child gradually returns to their baseline state:
- Abilities gradually return
- They can start interacting again
- Regulation is restored
The Necessary Time
Recovery time varies according to children and the intensity of the crisis:
- Some children recover in 15-30 minutes
- Others need several hours
- After an intense crisis, recovery can take an entire day
Don’t underestimate this time: a child pushed too quickly can have another crisis.
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What to Do Immediately After the Crisis
Stay Present Without Being Invasive
Your calm and silent presence remains important:
- Stay nearby
- Don’t leave abruptly
- Don’t invade the space if the child needs distance
- Show that you are available
Maintain a Calm Environment
The child’s nervous system is still very reactive:
- Keep lights dimmed
- Maintain silence or very soft sounds
- Avoid people coming and going
- Remove sources of stimulation
Offer Without Imposing
Gently offer comfort elements:
- “Do you want your blanket?”
- “Do you want to go to your calm corner?”
- “Do you want a hug?”
Accept refusals without insisting.
Don’t Ask for Anything
This is not the time to:
- Ask for explanations
- Demand apologies
- Do a debriefing
- Ask questions
The child doesn’t have access to these abilities and any request is an additional burden.
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Calming Techniques
Physical Contact (If Accepted)
For many children, physical contact is soothing, but it must be offered and accepted.
Contact Options
- Enveloping hug
- Hand on shoulder or back
- Holding hands
- Sitting side by side
Deep Pressure
Some children are particularly soothed by firm, enveloping pressure:
- Weighted blanket
- Tight embrace
- Hand pressure on shoulders
When the Child Refuses Contact
Respect this refusal. Offer an alternative:
- Being present in the same room without touching
- A comfort object instead of human contact
- Coming back to contact later
The Soothing Environment
The Calm Corner
If the child isn’t already there, offer their calm corner:
- Familiar and secure space
- Comfort elements available
- Soft lighting
- Isolation from stimulations
Soothing Sensory Elements
According to the child’s profile:
- Weighted or soft blanket
- Object to manipulate (fidget, stress ball)
- Soft music or white noise
- Familiar and soothing scent
Comfort Objects
Offer objects that usually soothe your child:
- Comfort toy or stuffed animal
- Object related to special interest
- Favorite book
- Comforting clothing
Hydration and Basic Needs
After a crisis, the child may have:
- Thirst (tears and agitation cause dehydration)
- Hunger (if the crisis occurred before or during a meal)
- Need to use the bathroom
- Need to sleep
Gently offer: “Do you want some water?”
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Post-Crisis Communication
Silence First
In the minutes following the crisis, silence is often preferable to words.
Reassuring Words (When the Child Is Ready)
When the child begins to be receptive, a few simple words can help:
- “I’m here”
- “It’s over now”
- “You are safe”
- “I love you”
What Not to Say
- “It wasn’t that bad” (minimization)
- “See, you can calm down when you want to” (disguised reproach)
- “Why did you do that?” (request for explanation)
- “Next time, try to…” (premature advice)
- “You really scared/hurt me” (guilt-tripping)
Using Visual Supports
DYNSEO’s Mon Dico application can be useful in this phase. With real images, the child can communicate what they need without verbal effort: “hug”, “water”, “sleep”, “alone”. This non-verbal communication is often more accessible after a crisis. Discover Mon Dico.
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Adapting the Rest of the Day
Reduce Demands
After a crisis, the child has limited resources. Adjust your expectations:
- Postpone non-essential activities
- Simplify routines
- Fewer demands
- More free time
Offer Calming Activities
Once the child has recovered sufficiently, gentle activities can help:
- Calm and familiar activity
- Special interest
- Outdoor time (if soothing for the child)
- Gentle sensory play
The COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES program can be offered once the child has recovered sufficiently. The cognitive games are engaging without being too stimulating, and the active breaks can help release the last tensions. Wait until the child is really ready before offering this activity. Discover COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES.
Watch for Signs of Fragility
Stay attentive to signs indicating that the child has not fully recovered yet:
- Irritability
- Increased sensitivity
- Fatigue
- Withdrawal
If these signs are present, continue to be gentle with the child.
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Managing Your Own Emotions
Recognize Your Own Need for Recovery
You too have experienced the storm. Your own stress hormones have been activated. You may be:
- Exhausted
- Emotionally shaken
- Sad
- Angry
- Discouraged
These reactions are normal and legitimate.
Take Care of Yourself
If possible, allow yourself a moment:
- A few minutes of calm
- A deep breath
- An exchange with someone supportive
- A break if another adult can take over
Don’t Unload on the Child
Even if you are upset, avoid placing the weight of your emotions on the child:
- Reproaches won’t help
- Expressions of distress can add guilt
- Talk about your emotions to another adult, not to the child (at least not immediately)
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When and How to Discuss What Happened?
Timing
The discussion about the crisis should not take place immediately after. Wait:
- Until the child has fully recovered
- Until you yourself are calm
- Until the moment is right (not before bedtime, not before another stressful activity)
- Sometimes the next day is better
The Goal of the Discussion
The goal is not to lecture or get apologies, but to:
- Understand what happened
- Identify what could help next time
- Maintain the bond
How to Approach the Discussion
- Calm and non-accusatory tone
- Open questions: “Do you remember what made you uncomfortable?”
- Validation of emotions: “It was really difficult for you”
- Focus on solutions: “What could have helped you?”
If the Child Cannot or Will Not Talk
- Don’t insist
- Do your own analysis
- Offer solutions without asking for feedback
- Try again another time or differently (drawing, visual supports)
The Question of Apologies
The question of apologies after a crisis is delicate:
- During a meltdown, the child doesn’t have control
- Demanding apologies can create unjustified guilt
- If people were hurt or objects broken, you can address repair in a kind way, without reproach
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Repairing the Bond
The Bond Is Not Broken
Even if the crisis was intense, the bond between you and your child remains. Crises are part of the journey, they don’t define the relationship.
Reconnection Gestures
After recovery, moments of connection can strengthen the bond:
- Pleasant shared activity
- Moment of tenderness
- Words of unconditional love
- Return to usual rituals
Show Unconditional Love
The essential message to convey to the child: “I love you, even after difficult moments. You are not defined by your crises.”
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Preventing Future Crises
The post-crisis period is also a learning moment for prevention.
Analyze Without Blaming
By asking yourself these questions:
- What was the trigger?
- What signals could have alerted?
- How to intervene earlier next time?
- Can the environment be adapted?
Note in a Journal
An observation journal can help identify patterns:
- Date and time
- Context
- Probable trigger
- Warning signals
- What helped or made things worse
Adjust Strategies
Use this information to strengthen prevention:
- Environmental adaptations
- Strengthening communication tools
- Routine adjustments
- Training for caregivers
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Get Trained to Better Support
Managing the post-crisis phase is an integral part of supporting an autistic child. Training allows you to acquire the right reflexes and understand your child’s specific needs.
DYNSEO’s training “Autism: Managing Difficult Situations in Daily Life” teaches you to manage the entire crisis cycle, including the recovery and prevention phase. Sign up for this training.
Our training “Supporting a Child with Autism: Keys and Solutions for Everyday Life” gives you a comprehensive understanding that allows you to better anticipate and manage these situations. Discover this training.
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Conclusion: The Calm After the Storm
The post-crisis period is a delicate moment that requires patience, gentleness, and understanding. Your role is to offer your child:
- A secure environment to recover
- A calm and loving presence
- Time to regain their balance
- A message of unconditional love
Key points to remember:
- Don’t rush recovery
- Reduce demands and stimulations
- Offer comfort without imposing it
- Take care of yourself too
- Learn from each episode to better prevent
After the storm comes the calm. And in this calm, the bond remains, perhaps even strengthened by the ordeal weathered together.
At DYNSEO, we support you with tools like Mon Dico for communication, COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES for moments of active recovery, and our training courses to develop your support skills.
Each crisis overcome is proof of your love and your resilience.
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Did this article help you? Share it with other parents and concerned professionals. Find all our articles on autism on the DYNSEO blog.
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