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Introduction: The Most Heard Phrase in Connected Households
“Just 5 more minutes!”
You’ve probably heard this phrase hundreds of times. It invariably emerges the moment you announce the end of screen time, spoken with intonations ranging from pleading to defiance, including manifest frustration.
Faced with this request, most parents oscillate between two automatic responses. Either they refuse categorically (“No, we said 30 minutes, it’s 30 minutes!”), or they give in to avoid conflict (“Okay, fine, 5 minutes but not one more”). Neither of these responses really solves the problem – and for good reason: they miss the essential point.
“Just 5 more minutes” is almost never a request for 5 additional minutes. It’s the clumsy expression of a deeper need that the child doesn’t know how to articulate otherwise. Understanding this hidden need is the key to breaking out of the endless cycle of negotiations and conflicts.
In this article, we’re going to decode the different needs hidden behind this universal request, and give you concrete tools to respond constructively. You’ll discover how to transform these moments of tension into educational opportunities, and how approaches like those offered by DYNSEO can support you in this process.
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Part 1: Why Do Children Always Ask for “5 More Minutes”?
Before looking for hidden needs, let’s first understand the basic mechanisms that explain the universality of this request.
Temporal Distortion in Front of Screens
Screens create a phenomenon well documented by neuroscience: the distortion of time perception. When the brain is engaged in a captivating activity (video game, video, social network), the region responsible for time estimation – the prefrontal cortex – functions differently.
Studies have shown that adults absorbed in a video game underestimate time spent by 30 to 50%. In children, whose prefrontal cortex is still immature, this distortion is even more pronounced. When you tell your child “you’ve been playing for an hour,” they may sincerely feel that 15 or 20 minutes have passed.
This distortion partly explains why “just 5 more minutes” comes up systematically: for the child, the time allowed always seems too short, regardless of its objective duration.
The Variable Reward Mechanism
Digital content is designed to maintain engagement through a system of variable rewards – the same principle that makes slot machines so addictive. The uncertainty about what will happen next (the next video, the next level, the next message) generates dopamine spikes that keep the brain alert.
Asking for “5 more minutes” often means wanting to reach the next reward: finish the level, see the end of the video, receive the expected response. The brain is programmed to seek completion, and interruption before this completion generates intense frustration.
Immaturity of Inhibitory Control
Inhibitory control – the ability to stop an ongoing action despite the desire to continue – is one of the last cognitive skills to develop. It only begins to be truly effective during adolescence and continues to perfect itself until age 25.
Asking a 7-year-old child to stop playing when they’re having fun is asking them to exercise a capacity that their brain hasn’t mastered yet. Their request for “5 more minutes” reflects this neurological difficulty, not a lack of will or respect.
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Part 2: The 7 Hidden Needs Behind “Just 5 More Minutes”
Now that we’ve understood the basic mechanisms, let’s explore the deep psychological needs hidden behind this request. Identifying the real need allows you to respond in a targeted and effective way.
Need #1: The Need for Completion
Signal: The child is in the middle of an activity that has an identifiable end – a game level, an episode, a virtual construction.
What they feel: The human brain hates incompletion. This is called the Zeigarnik effect: unfinished tasks create mental tension that demands to be resolved. Interrupting an ongoing activity generates legitimate frustration.
What they’re trying to say: “I’d like to finish what I started. Interrupting me now deeply frustrates me.”
How to respond: Acknowledge the need for completion as legitimate. “I understand you want to finish your level. Finish it, and then we stop.” This occasional flexibility reinforces acceptance of rules and teaches the child to plan their sessions to reach natural stopping points.
Need #2: The Need for Control and Autonomy
Signal: The child particularly protests when the request to stop seems arbitrary or when they weren’t consulted about the rules.
What they feel: A sense of powerlessness in the face of decisions that concern them but over which they have no control. This feeling is especially strong approaching adolescence.
What they’re trying to say: “I’d like to have a say. I feel like you decide everything without asking my opinion.”
How to respond: Involve the child in establishing the rules. The negotiated usage contract is particularly effective for this profile. Offer choices: “Do you prefer 30 minutes now or 45 minutes after homework?” The sense of control considerably reduces resistance.
Need #3: The Need for Social Connection
Signal: The child is playing online with friends or exchanging on a social network when you ask them to stop.
What they feel: The anxiety of missing out (FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out), the fear of being excluded from the group, the feeling of letting their friends down.
What they’re trying to say: “I’m with my friends! Saying goodbye to them abruptly is rude and I’m going to miss what we’re doing together.”
How to respond: Acknowledge the importance of social bonds, even virtual ones. Allow a real conclusion: “Okay, let your friends know you have to go, say goodbye to them, and we stop in 5 minutes.” Plan for this social delay in the initial screen time.
Need #4: The Need for Escape
Signal: The child intensely requests additional screen time after a difficult day, a conflict, or during a stressful period (school difficulties, family tensions).
What they feel: Screens serve as a refuge from difficult emotions. Digital escape offers temporary relief from stress, boredom, sadness.
What they’re trying to say: “I need to feel good. When I’m on the screen, I forget what’s bothering me.”
How to respond: Welcome the underlying emotion. “You had a difficult day, is that it? I understand you want to take your mind off things.” Then offer alternatives: “We stop the screen, but we can talk about what’s bothering you, or do something fun together.” Remain vigilant if this pattern repeats – the screen as an avoidance mechanism can become problematic.
Need #5: The Need for Recognition
Signal: The child insists on showing you their progress in a game, their construction, their avatar, before turning it off.
What they feel: The digital activity represents an emotional and cognitive investment they’d like to see recognized. Turning it off without a look devalues this investment.
What they’re trying to say: “Look at what I’ve accomplished! It’s important to me and I’d like you to see it.”
How to respond: Take the time to look and sincerely value it. “Wow, you’ve really made progress! Show me how you did that.” This moment of shared recognition then considerably facilitates the transition to stopping.
Need #6: The Need for Predictability
Signal: The child reacts particularly badly when the end of screen time comes “by surprise,” without warning.
What they feel: A feeling of shock from the abrupt interruption. The brain, absorbed in the activity, hasn’t had time to prepare for the transition.
What they’re trying to say: “You didn’t warn me! I wasn’t ready to stop.”
How to respond: Implement a system of progressive alerts (A.P.P. method: Anticipate, Prevent, Propose). Give warnings at 15 minutes, 5 minutes, 2 minutes. This predictability drastically reduces resistance because the brain has time to progressively disengage.
Need #7: The Need for Smooth Transition
Signal: The child has no problem with the idea of stopping but resists the “void” that follows the screen.
What they feel: The screen provides intense stimulation. After turning it off, everything seems boring by comparison. It’s not so much the screen they want as what they dread afterward.
What they’re trying to say: “I don’t know what to do after. I’m going to be bored.”
How to respond: Always offer an attractive activity after the screen. “We turn off and we’re going to play a game of UNO” is much more effective than “We turn off and we do homework.” The positive proposal facilitates letting go.
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Part 3: How to Identify Your Child’s Hidden Need?
Faced with a “just 5 more minutes,” how do you know which need is being expressed? Here are some observation and questioning techniques.
Observe the Context
The context often gives valuable clues. Ask yourself these questions:
- What was the child doing exactly? An online game with friends (need for social connection), a difficult level they were trying to complete (need for completion), aimless exploration (perhaps need for escape).
- How was their day? A difficult day may indicate a need for escape or comfort.
- How did I announce the end of screen time? A surprise effect suggests a need for predictability.
- Did the child participate in establishing the rules? The feeling of imposition may indicate a need for control.
Ask the Right Question
Instead of immediately responding to the “just 5 more minutes,” ask an open question that helps the child express their real need.
Useful questions:
- “What did you want to finish?”
- “What happens if you stop now?”
- “Can you show me where you are?”
- “Is there something special you wanted to do?”
These questions open dialogue and give you the information needed to respond to the real need.
Keep an Observation Journal
For one or two weeks, note the circumstances of each “just 5 more minutes”: time, activity, events of the day, your way of announcing the end, the child’s reaction. Patterns will emerge, revealing your child’s recurring needs.
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Part 4: Adapted Responses According to the Identified Need
Once the need is identified, here are targeted strategies to respond effectively.
For the Need for Completion
Strategy: Integrate natural stopping points
Before screen time, discuss with the child what they plan to do and what would be a good stopping point. “Are you going to play two games, or try to finish this level?” This anticipation avoids the frustration of interruption.
The COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES app from DYNSEO perfectly illustrates this approach with its mandatory sports breaks every 15 minutes. These regular interruptions create natural and predictable stopping points, preventing the child from sinking into an endless session without an identifiable end.
For the Need for Control
Strategy: The negotiated usage contract
Establish the screen time rules together. Duration, schedules, types of content, consequences in case of non-compliance – everything must be discussed and accepted by the child. Formalize this agreement in writing. The child who participated in creating the rules respects them much better.
Offer choices within the established framework: “Do you prefer your half-hour of screen time now or after snack?” The sense of personal decision reduces resistance.
For the Need for Social Connection
Strategy: Plan digital social time
Recognize that time spent with friends online is real social time. Plan for it explicitly: “You have 45 minutes to play with your friends. At minus 10, you let them know you’ll have to leave soon.”
Also encourage offline social connections to balance: inviting friends over, extracurricular activities, group outings.
For the Need for Escape
Strategy: Welcome the emotion and offer alternatives
If the child uses the screen as an emotional refuge, the most important thing is to open dialogue. “I feel like you really needed this break. Did something happen today?”
Offer healthier escape alternatives: physical activity, reading, creative play, cuddle time. If resorting to the screen as an escape becomes systematic, consider support (discussion with the teacher, psychologist if necessary).
For the Need for Recognition
Strategy: Institute the sharing ritual
Before turning off the screen, systematically take 2-3 minutes for the child to show you what they did. “Show me your progress before we stop.” This moment of sharing and validation makes the transition much smoother.
This practice fits into the 3C method (Choose, Create, Comment): the “Comment” transforms the digital activity into a shared and discussed experience.
For the Need for Predictability
Strategy: Decreasing alerts
Establish a system of alerts at regular intervals: 15 minutes before the end, 5 minutes, 2 minutes. A visible timer (Time Timer, hourglass) reinforces this predictability.
The ritual must be unchanging: same alerts, same wording, same sequence. This stability reassures the child and prepares their brain for the transition.
For the Need for Smooth Transition
Strategy: The positive proposal
Always have an attractive activity ready for after the screen. “We turn off and we play a card game” is infinitely more effective than “We turn off.”
Prepare a repertoire of proposals adapted to your child’s tastes: board games, creative activity, shared reading, outing to the park, preparing a recipe together. The positive perspective facilitates disengagement from the screen.
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Part 5: Dialogue Rather Than Power Struggle
Beyond specific techniques, the general attitude toward “just 5 more minutes” determines the quality of the parent-child relationship around screens.
Avoid Escalation
When a child says “just 5 more minutes” and the parent responds “no means no,” conflict begins. The child insists, the parent gets irritated, voices rise, and the situation degenerates. This repeated pattern damages the relationship and solves nothing.
The first rule is to refuse escalation. Faced with “just 5 more minutes,” keep a calm and composed tone. Don’t raise your voice, don’t get angry, don’t threaten. Your calmness defuses the tension.
Validate Before Refusing
Emotional validation is not a sign of weakness – it’s an effective communication technique. Before maintaining the limit, acknowledge what the child feels.
“I understand you’d like to continue. It’s frustrating to have to stop when you’re having fun.”
This simple phrase changes everything. The child feels heard. They’re no longer alone facing a deaf authority – they’re facing a parent who understands their experience while maintaining a framework.
Explain the Why
Children accept limits better when they understand the reason. No need for long speeches, but a simple explanation helps.
“We’re stopping because otherwise you won’t have time to play before dinner.”
“We’re stopping because too much screen time tires the eyes and brain.”
“We’re stopping because we planned to do an activity together.”
The explanation transforms the arbitrary rule into a sensible decision.
Seek Compromise When Possible
Sometimes, a compromise is possible without you losing your authority. If the child is really in the middle of an important activity, granting 5 more minutes to finish is not giving in – it’s showing reasonable flexibility.
The key is to distinguish situations where compromise is appropriate (ongoing activity to finish, friend to notify) from those where it’s pure manipulation (systematic negotiation without valid reason). In the first case, flexibility is educational. In the second, firmness is necessary.
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Part 6: Preventing Rather Than Curing – Upstream Strategies
The best way to handle “just 5 more minutes” is to prevent it. Here are strategies to implement before the child even turns on the screen.
The Family Usage Contract
A usage contract, negotiated outside moments of tension, establishes rules clearly and acceptably. This contract specifies durations, schedules, types of content, and consequences in case of non-compliance.
The child who participated in developing the contract is much less likely to contest it. When they ask for “just 5 more minutes,” you can refer to the contract: “We agreed together on 30 minutes. That’s what we both decided.”
The Visible Timer
The visible timer (Time Timer, hourglass, sector clock) materializes time passing. The child concretely sees the remaining time elapsing, which prepares their brain for the end.
Place the timer in the child’s field of vision. Refer to it: “You see, you have 10 minutes left.” This awareness of time reduces the surprise effect and contestations.
Progressive Alerts
Warn the child at regular intervals that the end is approaching. A classic system: alert at 15 minutes, 5 minutes, 2 minutes. These alerts allow the brain to progressively disengage from the activity.
Formulate alerts in a neutral and benevolent way: “You have 5 minutes left” rather than “Hurry up, there are only 5 minutes left!”
The Choice of Post-Screen Activity
Even before the screen is turned on, define with the child what you’ll do together afterward. This positive perspective facilitates letting go at the moment of transition.
“After your half-hour of tablet time, we’ll play a game of UNO. Okay?”
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Part 7: Special Cases and Adaptations
Certain situations require specific approaches.
The Child Who Systematically Negotiates
If your child asks for “just 5 more minutes” every single time without exception, regardless of the duration granted, you’re facing a pattern of automatic negotiation. The solution is benevolent firmness.
“I know you’re going to ask me for 5 more minutes, and I understand. But our rule is clear, and I won’t change my mind. We stop now and we [proposition positive].”
After a few weeks of consistency, the child understands that negotiation doesn’t work and abandons the behavior.
The Reluctant Adolescent
With adolescents, power struggle is counterproductive. Prioritize upstream negotiation and responsibilization.
“You have 1 hour of gaming. You manage your time. But at 7 p.m., it’s over for dinner. If you go over, tomorrow you’ll have half an hour less.”
The adolescent has autonomy and assumes the consequences of their choices.
The Child with ADHD
Children with attention deficit disorder have increased difficulties interrupting a captivating activity. Inhibitory control, already immature in all children, is particularly deficient in them.
Recommended adaptations: highly visible timers, more frequent alerts (every 5 minutes), step-by-step transitions (first lower the sound, then pause, then turn off), immediate rewards for successful transitions.
The Anxious Child
For the anxious child, the screen can serve as emotional regulation. The end of screen time revives anxiety, hence the intense resistance.
Work on the underlying anxiety (possibly with a professional). Offer calming alternatives after the screen: cuddle time, reading, calming sensory activity. Reassure the child that they can return to the screen (tomorrow, this weekend).
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Part 8: Screen Education Beyond Time
The “just 5 more minutes” is a symptom of a broader question: how do we educate our children for healthy screen use? Time management is only one aspect of this education.
Quality Rather Than Quantity
Screen time is important, but the quality of that time is just as important. A child who creates, learns, interacts constructively for an hour is not in the same situation as a child who passively consumes videos for 20 minutes.
The 3C method (Choose, Create, Comment) proposed by DYNSEO offers a framework for transforming screen time into active educational time rather than passive consumption.
Parental Co-Presence
For children up to 10-11 years old, the presence of an adult during screen time is a major protective factor. This co-presence allows sharing the experience, discussing content, and facilitating transitions.
Being present doesn’t mean constantly monitoring, but showing sincere interest, asking questions, commenting together on what’s happening on the screen.
Parental Example
Children observe their parents. If you constantly check your phone and have difficulty putting it down yourself, your credibility is weakened when you ask them to limit their screen time.
Lead by example: screen-free moments as a family, phone put away during meals, visible and valued off-screen activities.
Training to Better Support
Screen education is a complex domain, constantly evolving. For parents and professionals who want to deepen their skills, DYNSEO offers an online training “Raising Awareness About Screens: Understanding, Acting, Supporting” that provides concrete tools for navigating these challenges.
For teachers and facilitators, the screen awareness workshop for elementary schools offers ready-to-use resources to address the topic with children in a pedagogical and playful way.
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Part 9: Testimonials – When Parents Decode “Just 5 More Minutes”
Marie-Claire, mother of Théo, 8 years old
“I realized that when Théo asked me for 5 more minutes, it was almost always because he was playing with his best friend online. He didn’t want to abandon him. Since I’ve been telling him ‘let Nathan know you have to go, say goodbye to him, and we turn off in 5 minutes,’ there are no more crises. He just needed us to respect this friendship.”
Emmanuel, father of Jade, 11 years old
“Jade was in permanent negotiation mode. ‘Just 5 more minutes’ every time, systematically. We set up a usage contract together – she chose her schedules and durations, I imposed almost nothing. Result: she respects what she herself decided. The need for control was huge for her.”
Sandrine, mother of Mattéo, 6 years old
“Mattéo can’t stand surprises. The ‘just 5 more minutes’ always came when I told him to stop without warning. Now we have a ritual: I tell him at 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 2 minutes, always the same. And I use an hourglass he can see. Since then, almost no more crises – he needs to know what’s going to happen.”
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FAQ: Your Questions About “Just 5 More Minutes”
My child always asks for 5 minutes, even with all the alerts. What should I do?
Some children have integrated “just 5 more minutes” as an automatic reflex. The solution is consistency: never give in beyond what is reasonable (finishing an ongoing game, for example). After a few weeks of benevolent firmness, the behavior fades.
Should we sometimes give in to “just 5 more minutes”?
Occasional flexibility is positive if it responds to a legitimate need (finishing an activity, notifying a friend). It becomes problematic if it’s systematic and the result of manipulation. Distinguish between the two situations.
How to manage when it’s always the same need being expressed?
If your child always expresses the same need (for example, the need for control), work on this need in depth: more autonomy in other areas, more choices in daily life, validation of their opinions. The “just 5 more minutes” is a symptom; treat the cause.
What if the two parents don’t agree on how to handle it?
Parental inconsistency is a major problem. Discuss together, outside moments of tension, to establish common rules. If disagreement persists, the firmer parent can soften slightly and the more lax one can tighten up – seek common ground.
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Conclusion: Behind the Request, an Educational Opportunity
The “just 5 more minutes” is not just a source of parental frustration. It’s a window into your child’s inner world, an opportunity to understand their needs and support them toward better regulation.
When you decode what’s really hidden behind this universal request – need for completion, control, connection, escape, recognition, predictability, or smooth transition – you can respond in a targeted and effective way. Conflicts will decrease, the relationship will calm down, and your child will progressively learn to manage their relationship with screens themselves.
Because that’s the ultimate goal: not to impose limits from the outside indefinitely, but to support the child toward self-regulation. The day they put down their tablet themselves saying “I’m stopping, I’m going to do something else,” you’ll know the journey was worth it.
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DYNSEO Resources to Go Further
📚 Online training: Raising Awareness About Screens: Understanding, Acting, Supporting
🏫 Workshop for schools: Screen Awareness for Elementary Schools
📱 Educational application: COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES
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This article is part of a series on screen education published by DYNSEO, a French company specializing in educational applications and cognitive well-being.
