Your child loves playing football but refuses to participate in matches. She excels at the piano at home but trembles at the thought of the end-of-year concert. He has talent for theater but gets sick before every performance. Performance anxiety in extracurricular activities can turn passions into sources of suffering and lead the child to abandon activities they deeply love.
This article will help you understand this particular form of anxiety and support your child towards a more serene relationship with performance, where the enjoyment of the activity takes center stage again.
Understanding performance anxiety in extracurricular activities
Performance anxiety is defined as an excessive fear of not measuring up in situations where one is being evaluated or observed. In the context of sports, music, or theater, it manifests as disproportionate distress in performance situations, whether in competitions, concerts, shows, or even simple rehearsals in front of others.
A distinct anxiety from normal stage fright
It is important to distinguish performance anxiety from the stage fright that any artist or athlete may feel. Stage fright is a normal and even helpful reaction: it mobilizes energy, sharpens attention, and can enhance performance. Most children naturally learn to manage this stage fright and turn it into a driving force.
Performance anxiety, on the other hand, is excessive, persistent, and debilitating. It does not mobilize but paralyzes. Instead of improving performance, it degrades it or prevents the child from presenting at all. It generates significant suffering and can lead to avoidance of feared situations.
The activities involved
Performance anxiety can affect all activities where the child is exposed to the gaze and judgment of others.
In sports, it particularly manifests in competition situations: matches, tournaments, grading exams. But it can also concern practices, simple exercises in front of the group, or playing with teammates perceived as better.
In music, anxiety can arise during auditions, concerts, conservatory exams, but also during group lessons, orchestra rehearsals, or even when the child plays in front of family at home.
In theater and artistic activities involving the body (dance, circus), the exposure is particularly intense and performance anxiety is common. The gaze of others is at the very heart of the activity.
The fear of judgment at the center of anxiety
At the core of performance anxiety lies the fear of judgment. The child fears being evaluated negatively, mocked, criticized, or simply looked at with disappointment. This fear can concern the judgment of others (audience, peers, coaches, teachers) but also that of parents and, often, the child’s own judgment of themselves.
The child may fear not being good enough, making mistakes in front of everyone, disappointing those who matter to them, or embarrassing themselves. These fears can become overwhelming and occupy the child’s mind long before the performance situation itself.
The manifestations of performance anxiety
Performance anxiety manifests through emotional, physical, cognitive, and behavioral symptoms that are useful to recognize.
The emotional symptoms
The anxious child facing performance feels intense fear, sometimes described as panic, as the feared situations approach. This fear can turn into distress, tears, irritability. The child may express a feeling of helplessness, the impression that they will not be able to cope.
This anxiety is often accompanied by prolonged anticipation: the child starts to worry days or even weeks before the event. This anxious rumination spoils the moments leading up to the performance and can interfere with other aspects of their life.
The physical symptoms
The body expresses anxiety in multiple ways. Before the performance, the child may complain of stomachaches, nausea, headaches. They may have sweaty hands, a racing heart, shortness of breath. Some children tremble or have wobbly legs.
These physical symptoms can themselves become a source of additional anxiety. The child who knows their hands are shaking may dread that this shaking will be visible and hinder them in their activity (playing an instrument, throwing a ball), which exacerbates the anxiety and the shaking.
In the most severe cases, the child may experience true panic attacks, with a feeling of choking, intense palpitations, the impression of going crazy or dying.
The cognitive symptoms
Performance anxiety is accompanied by negative thoughts and cognitive distortions. The child may have catastrophic thoughts (“I’m going to mess everything up”, “Everyone is going to laugh at me”), generalizations (“I’m useless”, “I never succeed at anything”), or negative predictions (“I’m sure I’m going to make a mistake”).
At the moment of performance, these thoughts can interfere with concentration and memory. The child may feel like their mind is going blank, that they forget what they have learned, that they no longer know what to do. This “blank” then confirms their fears and reinforces anxiety for future performances.
Avoidance: the most problematic response
Faced with the intensity of anxiety, avoidance is a natural response. The child may find excuses not to participate in competitions or shows, fall ill on the big day, or end up asking to completely stop the activity they once loved.
Avoidance provides immediate relief but reinforces anxiety in the long term. The child never has the opportunity to realize that the feared situation is actually surmountable, and their fear only grows. Each avoidance makes the next one more likely and recovery more difficult.
The causes of performance anxiety
Performance anxiety generally results from several interacting factors.
The child’s temperament
Some children have a naturally more anxious temperament. They are more sensitive to threat signals, more reactive to stress, and more prone to negative anticipation. For these children, any potential performance situation represents a major emotional challenge.
Perfectionism is also an important risk factor. The perfectionist child imposes very high standards on themselves and experiences any result below these standards as a personal failure.
Past negative experiences
A humiliating or traumatic experience during a performance can leave lasting scars. A child who has been mocked for a mistake, who experienced a total blank during a recital, or who lost an important match painfully may develop intense anticipatory anxiety in similar situations.
These negative experiences do not necessarily have to be spectacular to have an impact. Repeated criticism, a chronic feeling of not measuring up, or unfavorable comparisons with other children can gradually instill performance anxiety.
The environment and expectations
The pressure from the environment plays an important role. Parents who are heavily invested in their child’s performances, a demanding coach or teacher, a family culture that highly values success can create pressure that is sometimes difficult to bear.
It is important to note that this pressure is not always explicit. Well-intentioned parents may, without realizing it, convey the idea that the child’s performances are essential, through their enthusiastic reactions to successes and disappointed responses to failures, through the questions they ask after each practice or concert, or through the investment they dedicate to the activity.
The competitive context
Some activities are intrinsically more conducive to performance anxiety. Individual sports, where the child is solely responsible for the outcome, often generate more anxiety than team sports. Activities with frequent evaluations (grades in martial arts, conservatory exams) regularly expose the child to stressful situations.
The level of competition also plays a role: the more the child progresses and the higher the stakes, the more performance anxiety can intensify.
Strategies to support the child
Helping a child overcome their performance anxiety requires an approach that combines emotional support, practical techniques, and gradual exposure.
Recognize and validate anxiety
The first step is to take the child’s suffering seriously. Minimizing their anxiety (“It’s just a soccer match, there’s no need to make a drama out of it”) or rationalizing it (“You have no reason to be afraid, you are very talented”) only amplifies their feeling of misunderstanding.
Recognize the emotion: “I see that you are very scared before the matches. It’s really hard to feel that way.” This validation allows the child to feel understood and accepted, which is a first step towards managing anxiety.
Refocus on enjoyment and the process
Performance anxiety is often linked to an excessive focus on the result. Help the child refocus their attention on the enjoyment of the activity and the process rather than the outcome.
Questions like “What do you enjoy most about soccer?” or “What moment of the concert do you prefer?” can help the child reconnect with the reasons they chose this activity. Reminding them that the primary goal is to have fun and learn, not to win or impress, can reduce the pressure felt.
Teach stress management techniques
The child can learn concrete techniques to manage their anxiety before and during performances.
Deep breathing is the simplest and most effective tool. Teaching the child to breathe slowly and deeply, inflating their belly, can help them quickly calm their nervous system. This technique can be practiced in the minutes leading up to the performance.
Positive visualization involves imagining the performance going well, with all the sensory details. This technique, widely used by high-level athletes, can reduce anxiety and improve confidence.
Pre-performance routines provide structure and a sense of control. A simple and personalized ritual (listening to a particular song, doing certain stretches, repeating an encouraging phrase) can help the child enter a mental state conducive to performance.
Work on anxious thoughts
Help the child identify and challenge their negative thoughts. “You say that everyone will mock you. Has that really happened? What happened the last times? How would your friends react if you made a mistake?”
The goal is not to deny anxiety but to help the child develop a more realistic and nuanced view of the situation. It may also be helpful to assist them in putting the stakes into perspective: “And if you make a mistake, what would really happen? Would it be that serious?”
Encourage gradual exposure
Avoidance reinforces anxiety. Therefore, encourage the child to gradually face the situations they fear, starting with the least anxiety-provoking.
For example, a child anxious about playing music in front of people might first play in front of their parents, then in front of extended family, then in front of a few close friends, then at a small informal concert, before facing a more formal recital.
Each successful exposure, even if the child was very anxious, deserves to be acknowledged. The important thing is not the absence of anxiety but the fact of having dared despite the anxiety.
Collaborate with teachers and coaches
Communication with the adults supervising the activity is essential. Explain your child’s situation to them and discuss possible accommodations. An understanding coach can adjust the pressure, avoid humiliating remarks, and create a more secure environment.
Some children benefit from starting performances in less exposed roles, being able to warm up away from others, or receiving individual feedback rather than in front of the group.
Tools to boost confidence
Developing self-confidence is an important protective factor against performance anxiety.
Cognitive training to strengthen internal resources
A child who feels competent in their general cognitive abilities approaches performance situations with more confidence. Regular cognitive training can help develop this sense of competence.
COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES, developed by DYNSEO for children aged 5 to 10, offers educational games that stimulate memory, attention, and logic. These games, offered in a supportive and pressure-free environment, allow the child to build confidence in their intellectual abilities.
The calm mode of the app is particularly suited for anxious children. It offers soothing activities that can help the child relax before a stressful situation.
The mandatory sports breaks every 15 minutes are also valuable. Physical activity is one of the best regulators of stress and anxiety. These active breaks allow the child to release accumulated tension.
Discover COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES
For middle and high school students, CLINT, the brain coach offers daily cognitive training with 30 games stimulating memory, attention, concentration, and planning. These skills are directly useful in performance situations: better concentration helps to stay focused despite stress, and better planning allows for better management of key moments.
Discover CLINT, the brain coach
Training to better support
Supporting a child suffering from performance anxiety requires skills that specialized training can help you develop.
Concrete tools to soothe anxiety
The training “Supporting an anxious child: rituals, breathing, grounding” offered by DYNSEO provides concrete techniques directly applicable to performance situations. Breathing exercises, structuring rituals, and grounding techniques are particularly relevant to help the child manage their anxiety before and during competitions, concerts, or shows.
Discover the training on supporting anxious children
Understanding hypersensitivity
Children suffering from performance anxiety are often hypersensitive children, who feel emotions with particular intensity and are very receptive to the gaze of others. The training “Managing the emotions of a hypersensitive child” helps to understand this sensitivity and offers appropriate regulation tools.
Discover the training on managing the emotions of the hypersensitive child
Preventing academic consequences
Performance anxiety in extracurricular activities can extend to academic performance and contribute to a general malaise that affects learning. The training “Preventing school dropout: simple guidelines and tools” helps to maintain the child’s overall engagement.
Discover the training on preventing school dropout
When to consult a professional?
Performance anxiety can often be improved by the strategies described in this article. However, certain situations warrant professional consultation.
Warning signs
Consult if the anxiety is so intense that it prevents the child from participating in activities they enjoy, if it generates panic attacks, if it extends to other areas of life (generalized social anxiety, school anxiety), or if it is accompanied by signs of depression (persistent sadness, loss of interest, withdrawal).
Also check if the child wishes to abandon an activity they deeply loved due to anxiety, or if your own stress regarding the situation becomes difficult to manage.
Resource Professionals
The primary care physician can assess the situation and refer to the appropriate specialists. A psychologist, particularly trained in cognitive-behavioral therapies, can help the child understand and manage their anxiety. CBT has shown excellent effectiveness in treating performance anxiety.
In some cases, working with a mental coach or a sophrologist can usefully complement psychological support by providing specific techniques for stress management and performance optimization.
Towards Flourishing Performance
Performance anxiety is not a fatality. With understanding, patience, and the right strategies, most children can learn to manage their anxiety and regain enjoyment in their activities.
The goal is not to eliminate all forms of stage fright – it is part of the performance experience and can even be a driving force – but to allow the child not to be paralyzed by their anxiety. It is about helping them develop internal resources and practical techniques that will enable them to face performance situations with more serenity.
The skills they develop in this process – emotional regulation, stress management, the ability to confront their fears – will serve them well beyond sports or music. They are valuable assets for their entire life, in the many situations where they will be evaluated, observed, or judged.
And the best part of all this is that by gradually overcoming their anxiety, your child will be able to reconnect with what initially drew them to their activity: the pleasure of playing, creating, surpassing themselves, and sharing with others. It is this pleasure that deserves to be at the center of the experience, and it is towards this that all our support should aim.
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Do you want to learn more about supporting anxious children? Discover our other articles on the DYNSEO blog and our certified Qualiopi training courses, designed to provide parents and professionals with the necessary tools to support children in their difficulties.
