How to recognize, understand and support a child suffering from performance anxiety at school
School performance anxiety affects many children, far more than we imagine. Every morning, thousands of parents face the same scenario: their child complains of stomach aches, drags their feet getting dressed, or breaks down in tears at the approach of a test. These manifestations are not whims or laziness. They are signs of deep anxiety that deserves attention and support.
In this article, we will explore in depth what school performance anxiety is, how it manifests physically and emotionally, and above all what concrete tools you can implement to help your child regain serenity and confidence.
What is school performance anxiety?
School performance anxiety is a specific form of anxiety that is triggered in evaluation or judgment situations in the school context. It goes far beyond the simple “stage fright” that any student may feel before an exam. It is an intense and persistent fear of not measuring up, of failing, or of being judged negatively by teachers, classmates or parents.
This anxiety can manifest well before the dreaded event. A child may begin to worry several days, or even several weeks before a test. This anxious anticipation considerably amplifies the child’s suffering and can create a vicious circle where the fear of failure ends up causing failure itself.
The different forms of performance anxiety at school
School performance anxiety is not limited to written tests. It can manifest in many situations:
Fear of oral questioning often represents the most intense form of school anxiety. The child dreads being exposed in front of the whole class, stuttering, blushing or not finding their words. This fear of others’ gaze can be paralyzing.
Fear of supervised assignments generates anxiety related to limited time and the impossibility of going back. The child may have the impression that their brain completely empties as soon as they receive their paper.
Anxiety about new subjects or new teachers reflects a fear of the unknown and difficulty adapting to new expectations.
Fear of disappointing parents is often the main driver of performance anxiety. The child has internalized expectations (real or imagined) and experiences each evaluation as a test of their personal worth.
Physical manifestations: when the body expresses anxiety
The child’s body is often the first to express what words cannot say. The somatic manifestations of performance anxiety are numerous and sometimes confusing for parents.
Morning stomach aches
Morning abdominal pain is probably the most common symptom of school anxiety. These stomach aches are very real, even if they have no identifiable organic cause. The digestive system is particularly sensitive to stress, and the intestine is often called the “second brain” because of the numerous nerve connections that link it to the central nervous system.
These pains typically appear on school days, often upon waking or at breakfast time. They can be accompanied by nausea, loss of appetite, or even vomiting in the most severe cases. Tellingly, these symptoms generally disappear on weekends and during school holidays.
Other physical manifestations
Beyond stomach aches, performance anxiety can manifest through many other physical symptoms. Headaches are frequent, particularly at the end of the day or before evaluation periods. The child may also complain of muscle tension, especially in the shoulders and neck.
Sleep disorders constitute another important warning signal. The anxious child may have difficulty falling asleep, wake up several times during the night, or have nightmares related to school. This lack of sleep in turn worsens anxiety and concentration difficulties, creating a vicious circle that is difficult to break.
We also observe manifestations such as excessive sweating, trembling, heart palpitations, or frequent urge to urinate. These symptoms are the physical translation of the activation of the sympathetic nervous system, our body’s alert system.
Panic before tests: understanding the mechanism
The panic that seizes some children before a test is not a disproportionate reaction that they could control by simple willpower. It results from a well-identified neurobiological mechanism that it is important to understand in order to better support the child.
The brain in survival mode
Faced with a situation perceived as threatening, the brain automatically triggers a stress response. The amygdala, this small brain structure responsible for detecting danger, activates and sends an alarm signal to the entire body. The body then prepares to flee or fight, even if the threat is just a simple math test.
This stress response has a paradoxical effect on cognitive abilities. The prefrontal cortex, seat of reflection, planning and working memory, is somewhat “short-circuited” by the amygdala. The child may then have the impression that their brain empties, that they no longer remember anything, even concepts they mastered perfectly the day before.
The vicious circle of avoidance
Faced with this intense suffering, the child naturally develops avoidance strategies. They may “forget” to note test dates, “lose” their notebooks, fall ill on the day, or beg their parents to let them stay home. These behaviors are not manipulation but desperate attempts to escape a situation experienced as unbearable.
The problem is that avoidance, while providing immediate relief, reinforces anxiety in the long term. The child never has the opportunity to see that the dreaded situation is actually surmountable, and their fear only grows.
Factors that contribute to performance anxiety
School performance anxiety is rarely the result of a single cause. It generally results from the combination of several factors that interact with each other.
The child’s temperament
Some children are born with a particular sensitivity to stress and a natural tendency toward anxiety. This anxious temperament is not inevitable, but it constitutes favorable ground for the development of performance anxiety if the environment does not allow the child to learn to manage their emotions.
Perfectionist children are particularly vulnerable. Their self-imposed demands are often excessive, and they experience any result below perfection as a crushing failure. This impossible quest for perfection keeps them in a state of permanent tension.
The family environment
Without meaning to, parents can sometimes contribute to their child’s performance anxiety. Expectations perceived as very high, comparisons with siblings or classmates, reactions of disappointment to bad grades can reinforce the pressure felt by the child.
It is important to note that even caring and encouraging parents can have an anxious child. The child may misinterpret parental expectations or project onto their parents demands they have not made.
The school context
The French school system, with its emphasis on evaluation and grading, can exacerbate performance anxiety in predisposed children. The pressure of rankings, competition between students, and sometimes the lack of kindness from certain teachers create a stressful environment.
Previous negative experiences also play an important role. A child who has experienced humiliation in class, who has been mocked for a wrong answer, or who has experienced a resounding failure can develop intense anticipatory anxiety when faced with similar situations.
Concrete strategies to support your child
Supporting a child suffering from performance anxiety requires patience, consistency and a multidimensional approach. Here are proven strategies that can make a real difference.
Validate the child’s emotions
The first step, and perhaps the most important, is to recognize and validate what the child feels. Phrases like “I understand that you’re afraid” or “It’s normal to feel stressed before a test” allow the child to feel understood and accepted in their emotions.
Conversely, minimizing anxiety (“It’s just a test, it’s not serious”) or rationalizing it (“You have no reason to be afraid, you studied well”) is generally counterproductive. The child feels misunderstood and may develop shame about their emotions.
Teach emotional regulation techniques
Anxious children need concrete tools to manage their emotions. Abdominal breathing is one of the most effective and accessible techniques. Teach your child to breathe slowly by inflating their belly like a balloon, then exhale gently. This technique activates the parasympathetic nervous system and allows rapid reduction of stress levels.
Sensory grounding is another valuable technique. When anxiety rises, the child can use their five senses to reconnect with the present moment: name five things they see, four they hear, three they touch, two they smell and one they taste. This exercise interrupts the anxious spiral and brings attention back to the here and now.
Establish reassuring rituals
Rituals bring predictability and a sense of control, two elements particularly important for anxious children. A well-established morning ritual, with the same steps in the same order, can considerably reduce morning anxiety.
Similarly, a test preparation ritual can help the child feel more confident. This ritual can include structured review in the preceding days, material preparation the night before, a balanced breakfast in the morning, and some breathing exercises before entering class.
Work on anxious thoughts
Anxious children often have catastrophic and unrealistic thoughts about evaluations. “I’m going to fail everything,” “Everyone will laugh at me,” “My parents will be disappointed.” It is useful to help the child identify these thoughts and question them in a caring way.
You can for example ask your child: “What makes you think you’re going to fail everything? Has this happened before? And if you didn’t succeed perfectly, what would really happen?” The goal is not to deny the anxiety but to help the child develop a more realistic and nuanced view of the situation.
Encourage gradual exposure
Avoidance reinforces anxiety. It is therefore important to encourage the child to gradually face the situations they fear, starting with the least anxiety-provoking. This exposure must be gradual, accompanied and valued.
Every small victory deserves to be celebrated. If your child managed to go to class on a day when they were very afraid, it is a success that must be emphasized, regardless of the test result.
Digital tools in the service of self-confidence
In our connected world, digital tools can play a valuable role in supporting anxious children, provided they are well chosen and used appropriately.
Strengthen cognitive skills with adapted applications
Performance anxiety is often linked to a lack of confidence in one’s own abilities. Strengthening the child’s cognitive skills in a fun way can help them develop a sense of competence that will reduce their anxiety.
The COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES program, developed by DYNSEO for children aged 5 to 10, offers adapted educational games that allow work on memory, attention and logic in a progressive and caring manner. The application includes a calm mode specifically designed for anxious children, which reduces stimulation and offers calming activities.
A particularly interesting aspect of COCO is the integration of mandatory sports breaks every 15 minutes. These breaks allow the child to expend energy physically, which helps regulate stress and improve concentration. Physical activity is indeed one of the best natural antidotes to anxiety.
Discover COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES
For middle and high school students, CLINT, the brain coach offers 30 cognitive games to strengthen memory, attention, concentration and planning. A daily training session of 10 to 15 minutes can help the adolescent develop their cognitive abilities while gaining confidence in their intellectual resources.
Discover CLINT, the brain coach
Training to better support
Faced with their child’s performance anxiety, many parents feel helpless. How to react to crises? What words to use? How to avoid inadvertently worsening the situation?
Training for parents and professionals
DYNSEO offers training specifically designed to help adults support anxious children. The training “Supporting an anxious child: rituals, breathing, grounding” offers concrete and immediately applicable tools to soothe anxiety on a daily basis.
This training covers breathing techniques adapted to children, structuring rituals that bring security and predictability, and grounding exercises that help stop anxiety surges. It is accessible to both parents and child care professionals.
Discover the training on supporting anxious children
For particularly sensitive children, the training “Managing the emotions of a hypersensitive child” offers rituals and regulation tools adapted to this specificity. Hypersensitivity often amplifies anxiety, and it is important to take this into account in support.
Discover the training on managing hypersensitive children’s emotions
Preventing school dropout
Performance anxiety, when not addressed, can lead to real school dropout. The child who systematically avoids evaluations, who multiplies absences, who loses all motivation for school, is in danger.
The training “Preventing school dropout: simple benchmarks and tools” allows parents to identify warning signals and act before it is too late. It offers simple but effective tools to maintain the child’s school engagement despite their difficulties.
Discover the training on preventing school dropout
When to consult a professional?
Parental support is essential, but it has its limits. Some situations require the intervention of a mental health professional.
Warning signs
Several signals should prompt you to consult. If your child’s anxiety has been present for several months and is worsening despite your efforts, if it significantly interferes with their daily life (school refusal, social isolation, disabling physical symptoms), or if it is accompanied by depressive signs (persistent sadness, loss of interest, dark thoughts), a consultation is necessary.
Similarly, if you feel overwhelmed by the situation, if the tensions related to your child’s anxiety affect the family balance, or if you have tried several strategies without success, do not hesitate to ask for help.
Resource professionals
Several types of professionals can support a child suffering from performance anxiety. The family doctor or pediatrician is often the first point of contact. They can assess the situation, rule out any organic causes for physical symptoms, and refer to appropriate specialists.
The psychologist, and particularly the psychologist specialized in cognitive-behavioral therapies (CBT), is the reference professional for child anxiety. CBT has demonstrated its effectiveness in treating anxiety and offers concrete techniques that the child can appropriate.
In some cases, a consultation with a child psychiatrist may be useful, especially if the anxiety is very severe or associated with other disorders.
A path to serenity
School performance anxiety is a real difficulty that causes suffering for many children and their families. But it is not inevitable. With understanding, patience, appropriate tools and sometimes the help of professionals, most children can learn to manage their anxiety and rediscover the pleasure of learning.
The path may be long and punctuated with relapses, but every small progress counts. Celebrate victories, however modest they may be. Remind your child that their value does not depend on their academic results. And above all, take care of yourself too: supporting an anxious child is exhausting, and you need resources to last over time.
Your child’s anxiety, as difficult as it may be to experience today, can become an opportunity for growth. By learning to know their emotions and manage them, your child develops valuable skills that will serve them throughout life. And the bond you create with them through this support, made of presence, listening and unconditional support, is perhaps the most beautiful gift you can give them.
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Was this article useful to you? Discover our other resources on supporting children in difficulty on the DYNSEO blog. Our Qualiopi-certified training and our educational applications are designed to help children develop their full potential, respecting their pace and particularities.