Learning to formulate clear and actionable instructions to avoid paralysis and opposition
—
Introduction: The Daily Misunderstanding
“Clean your room.” You’ve said this phrase hundreds of times. And hundreds of times, you’ve gotten the same result: nothing. Or almost nothing. Your child remains stuck in the middle of the room, looking lost, or starts playing with the first object they touch, or breaks down crying “it’s too hard.”
You might think they’re doing it on purpose, that they’re being uncooperative, that they’re defying you. In reality, they are probably genuinely paralyzed.
For an ADHD brain, “clean your room” is not an instruction — it’s an ocean of uncertainty. Clean what exactly? In what order? To what level of cleanliness? Where to start? The instruction, too vague, provides no grip to initiate action.
Learning to formulate clear, specific and actionable instructions can transform these frustrating moments into successful action sequences.
—
Why Vague Instructions Are Problematic
Planning Deficit
Faced with a vague instruction like “clean your room,” the neurotypical brain automatically performs a series of operations:
1. Analyze the current state of the room
2. Identify what needs to be cleaned
3. Break down the task into sub-steps
4. Establish a logical order
5. Start with the first step
This planning sequence is an executive function that depends on the prefrontal cortex — precisely what malfunctions in ADHD.
The ADHD child facing “clean your room” sees global chaos without knowing where to start. The instruction gives them no information about the concrete action to perform now.
Cognitive Overload
A vague instruction generates cognitive overload: the child must simultaneously understand what’s expected of them, plan how to get there, and start acting. These three parallel processes quickly exhaust their limited resources.
Result: paralysis. The brain, overwhelmed, “freezes” or turns to something simpler (playing, daydreaming).
Ambiguity and Anxiety
Vague instructions create ambiguity: “Did I understand correctly? Am I doing it right? Will it be clean enough?”
This ambiguity generates anxiety. The child, fearing doing it wrong, may prefer to do nothing — or do something else — rather than risk failure.
Limited Working Memory
Working memory — the ability to keep information in mind while acting — is often deficient in ADHD. A long or complex instruction is forgotten before being executed.
“Go to your room, put away your toys, put your dirty clothes in the basket, and come down to set the table” — the ADHD child will most likely forget at least half of this sequence along the way.
—
Characteristics of an Effective Instruction
Specific
The instruction must precisely describe the expected action:
❌ “Clean your room”
✅ “Put the Legos in the blue box”
❌ “Be good”
✅ “Stay seated in your chair during the meal”
❌ “Work better”
✅ “Reread your answer before moving to the next question”
Observable
The instruction must describe an observable, verifiable behavior:
❌ “Concentrate”
✅ “Look at your notebook”
❌ “Pay attention”
✅ “Hold your glass with both hands”
❌ “Calm down”
✅ “Take three deep breaths”
Achievable
The instruction must correspond to an action that the child can actually accomplish with their current resources:
❌ “Do all your homework” (too long, too vague)
✅ “Do math exercises 1 to 3”
❌ “Clean up everything” (impossible to accomplish in one go)
✅ “Put the books on the shelf”
Positive
The instruction must say what to do, not what not to do:
❌ “Stop yelling”
✅ “Speak softly”
❌ “Don’t run”
✅ “Walk”
❌ “Don’t hit your sister”
✅ “Keep your hands to yourself”
The brain processes a positive instruction (action to do) more easily than a prohibition (action not to do).
Single
One instruction at a time. Multiple instructions overload working memory:
❌ “Clean your room, brush your teeth and put on your pajamas”
✅ “Pick up the toys on the floor.” (then, once done) “Now, brush your teeth.”
—
Techniques for Formulating Clear Instructions
The “Show Me” Technique
Instead of describing verbally, physically show what you expect:
“Clean your room” → “Look, I take this book and put it on the shelf. Now you do the same with the others.”
This demonstration reduces ambiguity and provides a concrete model.
The First Action Technique
Identify and name only the first action in the sequence:
“Do your homework” → “Open your math notebook to page 42.”
Once this first action is accomplished, you give the next one. The child has only one thing at a time in their working memory.
The Breaking Down Technique
Break down complex instructions into simple steps:
“Clean your room” becomes:
1. “Pick up the clothes on the floor”
2. “Put them in the laundry basket”
3. “Put the toys in the chest”
4. “Make your bed”
Each step is an independent instruction, given separately.
The “When… Then” Technique
Link the instruction to a concrete reference point:
“When you finish eating, then you put your plate in the dishwasher.”
“When the timer rings, then you put away your game.”
“When you enter the house, then you put your backpack in the same place.”
The “when” provides a clear signal to trigger the action.
—
Visual Supports to Clarify Instructions
Picture Task Lists
For recurring tasks (morning routine, room cleaning), create a visual list with images or pictograms representing each step.
The child can refer to the list instead of depending on your memory and verbal reminders.
Photographic Sequences
Take photos showing the expected state:
- Photo of the clean room
- Photo of the organized desk
- Photo of the ready backpack
The child has a visual reference of the result to achieve.
Check-off Checklists
A list with boxes to check provides:
- A clear structure
- A step-by-step guide
- The satisfaction of checking off (immediate reward)
- A visible trace of progress
Routine Pictograms
For daily routines, sequences of pictograms (morning, evening) displayed on the wall allow the child to follow the steps without you having to repeat the instructions.
—
Examples of Reformulation
Morning
❌ “Get ready for school”
✅ Sequence of pictograms: bathroom → getting dressed → breakfast → teeth brushing → backpack → shoes
Or instructions one by one: “Get dressed with the clothes on your chair. Come see me when it’s done.”
Homework
❌ “Do your homework”
✅ “Open your assignment book. Read me the first assignment.” Then: “Take out your math notebook.” Then: “Read exercise 1 aloud.”
Meal
❌ “Behave at the table”
✅ “Stay seated in your chair. Put your napkin on your lap. Wait until everyone is served before starting.”
Bedtime
❌ “Go to bed”
✅ Sequence: “First, pajamas. Then teeth brushing. Then potty. Then a book. Then hug and sleep.”
With visual support and timer for each step if necessary.
Cleaning Up
❌ “Clean your room”
✅ “Look on the floor. What do you see that’s not in its place?” Then: “The Legos. Where is their place?” Then: “Put the Legos in the box. Come back to see me when it’s done.”
—
How to Give Instructions
Capture Attention First
Before giving the instruction, make sure you have the child’s attention:
- Approach physically
- Get down to their level
- Establish eye contact
- Say their name and wait for them to look at you
Giving an instruction to an ADHD child who doesn’t have their attention on you is useless — they won’t even hear it.
A Calm and Neutral Tone
An authoritative, annoyed or exasperated tone often triggers opposition. A calm, neutral, factual tone facilitates acceptance.
Ask to Repeat
“What do you need to do?” This verification ensures that the instruction has been understood and memorized.
Support the Beginning
For difficult tasks, physically accompany the beginning of the action:
- Go with them to their room
- Point to the first object to put away
- Stay present during the first few minutes
This support is not “hand-holding” — it’s support for deficient executive functions.
—
Tools for Structuring Instructions
Visual Routines
Visual schedules for recurring routines (morning, evening, homework) reduce the need to give repeated verbal instructions.
Timers
Associate instructions with timers: “You have 5 minutes to put away the books.” The timer makes the instruction more concrete and adds a challenge element.
Cognitive Training Applications
The COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES application from DYNSEO uses clear and specific instructions:
- Short and precise audio instructions
- One task at a time
- Immediate feedback on success
- Step-by-step progression
This structure can serve as a model for your own daily instructions.
For adolescents and adults, CLINT, the brain coach offers the same clarity of instructions.
—
Training to Communicate Better
The Importance of Adapted Communication
The way you formulate requests directly influences the child’s cooperation. Training allows you to acquire communication reflexes adapted to ADHD.
DYNSEO Training Programs
The training “Helping a Child with ADHD: Keys and Solutions for Everyday Life” offers effective communication techniques with the ADHD child.
The training “ADHD Child at Home: Advanced Strategies for Managing Impulsivity and Opposition” deepens communication strategies to reduce opposition.
For professionals, the training “ADHD: Advanced Strategies for Managing Impulsivity and Opposition” integrates these techniques into a comprehensive professional approach.
—
Conclusion: Clarity Frees Action
When your ADHD child doesn’t do what you ask them, the first question to ask yourself is not “why are they refusing?” but “was my instruction clear enough?”
A vague instruction paralyzes. A clear instruction frees action.
By learning to formulate specific, observable, achievable, positive and single instructions, you transform frustrating moments into opportunities for success. You reduce conflicts, you preserve the relationship, and you help your child gradually develop their own planning abilities.
It’s a change that requires practice — you’ll have to relearn to speak differently. But the results are worth the effort.
—
This article is part of a series dedicated to supporting ADHD children at home. Discover our other articles on the DYNSEO blog.
