How to transform the ordeal experienced into an opportunity for learning and strengthening the relationship
—
Introduction: the crisis is not the end
The storm has passed. The ADHD student, who was screaming or breaking things just a few minutes ago, has regained a semblance of calm. The class catches its breath. The teacher too. But what to do now?
This post-crisis moment is crucial. Poorly managed, it leaves negative traces: shame in the child, mistrust in adults, rupture in the relationship. Well supported, it becomes an opportunity for learning and strengthening the bond. The child understands what happened, develops strategies for the future, and experiences that the relationship survives the storms.
—
First part: Waiting for the right moment
Signs of return to calm
Before any educational intervention, ensure that the child has regained cognitive abilities. The emotional crisis overwhelms the prefrontal cortex. As long as emotion dominates, reasoning is impossible.
Signs of return to calm include: breathing that becomes regular, posture that relaxes, gaze that becomes present again, ability to answer simple questions.
Recovery time
Even after the apparent return to calm, the child remains fragile. A few minutes of rest, silence, calm activity allow to consolidate this return before beginning the verbalization work.
Rushing risks triggering a new emotional surge. Allow the necessary time, even if the class needs to resume its activities.
The appropriate place
Post-crisis verbalization is preferably done in private, away from classmates’ eyes. The child who must revisit their overflow in front of witnesses may feel shame that blocks all elaboration.
A quiet corner of the classroom, a desk in the hallway, time at the end of recess offer appropriate settings.
—
Second part: Verbalization
Reconstructing the sequence
Helping the child put words to what happened develops self-awareness and ability to anticipate future crises.
“What happened before you got angry?” Guide the child in reconstructing the sequence without accusing or judging.
The objective is not to obtain confessions but to understand together the process that led to the crisis.
Identifying the trigger
“What made you angry / frustrated / hurt?” The child learns to identify triggers, valuable information for future prevention.
Sometimes, the apparent trigger (a remark, an instruction) hides a deeper trigger (fatigue, previous conflict, anxiety). Gently explore if the child can identify these layers.
Naming the emotion
“How did you feel at that moment?” Putting a name to the emotion helps recognize and manage it.
The child’s emotional vocabulary may be limited. Offer options if necessary: “Were you angry? Frustrated? Sad? All of these at once?”
Recognizing bodily signals
“What did you feel in your body before it exploded?” Help the child identify physical warning signals (stomach tightening, fists clenching, heat rising).
These bodily signals, once recognized, can become warning signs for the future.
—
Third part: Differentiating emotion from behavior
Validating the emotion
The emotion that overwhelmed the child was legitimate. Anger in the face of injustice, frustration in the face of failure, fear in the face of the unknown are normal human responses.
“It’s normal to be angry when you find something unfair.” This validation signals to the child that emotions are not the problem.
Questioning the behavior
What is problematic is the way the emotion was expressed. Screaming, hitting, insults, destruction are not acceptable, even when the emotion that provokes them is legitimate.
“You had the right to be angry. But hitting is not acceptable.” This clear distinction separates what is validated from what must change.
Exploring alternatives
“Next time you feel this anger rising, what else could you do?” Build with the child a repertoire of alternatives to overflow.
Alternatives must be realistic and accessible: going to the calm corner, squeezing an object, asking for help, breathing deeply. Solutions that are too abstract will not be mobilizable in tense situations.
—
Fourth part: Reparation
The principle of reparation
When the crisis has caused damage (broken material, injured or frightened person), reparation allows restoring what was damaged and learning that our actions have consequences.
Reparation is not a punishment but a restoration. It aims to actually repair the damage, not to make the child suffer.
Forms of reparation
Material reparation: if equipment has been damaged, participate in its repair or replacement to the extent possible.
Relational reparation: if people were hurt or frightened, offer sincere apologies. These apologies are not forced but offered when the child is ready.
Symbolic reparation: a positive gesture toward the person or group affected can contribute to restoring the bond.
Apologies
Sincere apologies have value. Forced apologies, recited without conviction, have none.
Wait until the child is truly ready to apologize. Explain why apologies are appropriate. Accept that sometimes, apologies will come later or take a different form.
Avoiding humiliation
Reparation should not be an occasion to publicly humiliate the child. Apologies can be presented in a small group. Reparation can be done discreetly.
—
Fifth part: Reconstruction of the bond
Signaling that the relationship continues
After a crisis, the child may fear that the adult no longer loves them, holds a grudge, rejects them. Explicitly signaling that the bond persists soothes this anxiety.
“What happened was difficult, but it doesn’t change what I think of you.” This simple message is sometimes all the child needs.
Returning to normal
After the verbalization and reparation time, allow the child to reintegrate normal classroom activities. Do not keep them aside longer than necessary.
Resuming the routine signals that life continues, that the crisis is an episode and not a permanent state.
Positive reunions
In the hours or days following the crisis, look for opportunities to share positive moments with the child. A smile, a compliment, a brief pleasant exchange rebuild the bond.
These positive reunions erase the negative trace of the crisis and remind the child that they are more than their moments of overflow.
—
Sixth part: Learning for the future
The plan for next time
Build with the child an action plan for similar future situations. This plan identifies warning signals and strategies to mobilize.
“Next time you feel it rising, you can use your card to ask for a break.” Regularly remind of this plan, revise it if necessary.
Communication with parents
Inform parents of what happened and how it was handled. This communication is not a denunciation but an information sharing allowing consistency.
Also present positive aspects: how the child recovered, what was learned, the strategies put in place.
Follow-up
Observe in the following days if the child seems affected by the episode (shame, avoidance, anxiety) and adjust support if necessary.
—
Seventh part: Training teachers
Mastering post-crisis support
Post-crisis management requires specific skills that training can develop.
The training “ADHD Student: Advanced Strategies for Managing Impulsivity and Opposition in the Classroom” offers a comprehensive framework for support before, during and after crises.
Discover the training
Training “Supporting Students with Learning Disabilities”
Training “DYS Disorders: Identifying and Adapting”
Prevention tools
The COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES program contributes to crisis prevention and emotional regulation development.
Discover COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES
—
Conclusion: from ordeal to learning
The emotional crisis, however difficult to experience, can become an opportunity for learning and growth if it is properly supported afterwards.
The child who verbalizes what happened, who understands the link between trigger, emotion and behavior, who experiences reparation and who lives through the reconstruction of the bond acquires valuable skills. They learn that their emotions are legitimate, that their behavior can change, that relationships can survive storms.
The adult who accompanies this process offers much more than simple crisis management. They build with the child the foundations of better emotional regulation that will serve them throughout life.
—
Article published on the DYNSEO blog – Specialist in cognitive support and training for education professionals
Keywords: after ADHD crisis, emotion verbalization, reparation, bond reconstruction, post-crisis management, emotional learning, regulation