Meta description : Clear Asperger communication: learn to formulate your messages explicitly and directly to avoid misunderstandings and improve exchanges.
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“Can you pay attention?” “That’s not going to be possible.” “We’ll see.” These phrases, common in our daily exchanges, can be a source of total confusion for an Asperger person. Clear Asperger communication is not a luxury but a necessity to avoid misunderstandings and enable truly effective exchanges.
Adapting communication does not require a complete overhaul of how one speaks, but rather the application of a few simple principles that benefit everyone, autistic or not. This article guides you through the concrete adjustments that make a difference.
Why does usual communication pose a problem?
Several characteristics of common communication create difficulties for Asperger individuals.
The omnipresent implicitness assumes that the interlocutor understands what is not said. “It’s cold here” implicitly means “close the window” or “turn up the heat.” This masked request can go completely unnoticed by someone who takes words at their literal value.
Figurative language uses expressions whose meaning does not correspond to the words. “I’m dead tired,” “it’s raining cats and dogs,” “you’re driving me crazy”: these expressions, automatically decoded by neurotypicals, can create confusion or be taken literally.
Vague instructions leave too much room for interpretation. “Clean your room” can mean very different things depending on the expectations of the person asking. “Be careful” does not specify what to be careful about or how.
Indirect formulations mask the real intention. “Could you set the table?” is grammatically a question about abilities, not a clear request to set the table.
Implications and allusions require reading between the lines. “I wonder if anyone thought about taking out the trash” does not directly ask for anything but expects an action.
The principles of clear communication
Clear Asperger communication relies on a few fundamental principles that guide the adjustments to be made.
Say exactly what you think and explicitly ask for what you want. Instead of beating around the bush or implying, formulate the message directly. “Set the table please” rather than “Could you set the table?”
Avoid or clarify figurative language. Either use literal language or accompany the expression with an explanation. “I’m very tired” rather than “I’m dead.” Or “I’m dead tired, which means I’m really very tired.”
Be specific rather than vague. Specify expectations, criteria, details. “Put your clothes in the closet and your books on the shelf” rather than “clean your room.”
One piece of information at a time. Multiple instructions given simultaneously can be overwhelming. Give one instruction, wait for it to be processed, then give the next.
Check for understanding. Asking to rephrase what has been understood helps detect misunderstandings before they have consequences.
Formulations to favor
Some formulations promote clear Asperger communication. Here are concrete examples of transformations.
Instead of “Can you clean your room?”, say “Clean your room now, please.” The request is explicit and the timing is specified.
Instead of “Be careful”, say “Watch where you’re walking” or “Hold your glass tightly so you don’t spill it.” The expected action is specified.
Instead of “Be good”, say “Stay seated on your chair and speak softly.” The expected behaviors are explicit.
Instead of “We’re leaving soon”, say “We’re leaving in 10 minutes.” The timeframe is concrete.
Instead of “Don’t dawdle”, say “Put on your shoes and coat now.” The requested action is clear.
Instead of “That’s nonsense”, say “That answer is not correct because…”. The feedback is factual and explanatory.
Communicating emotions
Communicating emotions deserves special attention as it is often a source of misunderstandings.
Explicitly naming your emotions rather than leaving them to be guessed. “I’m angry because you didn’t clean up as I asked” is clearer than just showing an angry face.
Explaining the links between situations and emotions. “When you yell, it scares me” or “When you help me, it makes me happy” establishes explicit connections.
Directly asking how the person feels rather than trying to guess from non-verbal signals that may be difficult to interpret.
Accepting that the emotional expression of the Asperger person may be different. Their face may not show what they feel. Their words may be more reliable than their expressions.
Questions and answers
The formulation of questions and the interpretation of answers also follow the principles of clear Asperger communication.
Ask precise questions that elicit factual answers. “Did you have a good day?” is vague. “What did you do at recess?” is more precise.
Avoid rhetorical questions that don’t really expect an answer. “Where do you think you are?” risks receiving a geographical answer.
Offer choices when the open question is too broad. “What do you want to eat?” can be paralyzing. “Do you prefer pasta or rice?” provides a framework.
Accept literal and direct answers, even if they may seem abrupt. The Asperger person often answers exactly the question asked, without the usual social niceties.
Don’t take offense at an honest answer. If you ask “Do you like my new sweater?” and receive a blunt “no”, that is the answer to your question, not a personal attack.
Instructions and guidelines
Instructions and guidelines are an area where clear Asperger communication makes a major difference.
Break down complex tasks into simple steps. Instead of “get ready for school”, list: 1) get dressed, 2) have breakfast, 3) brush your teeth, 4) grab your bag.
Give instructions in the order of execution. Avoid giving information out of order or going back.
Use visual aids for complex or recurring instructions. A displayed list is more reliable than an oral instruction that may be forgotten.
Specify the “when” and the “how.” “Put your toys in the box before dinner” is clearer than “put away your toys.”
Check that each step is understood before moving on to the next, especially for new tasks.
The COCO application and adapted communication
The COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES application illustrates the principles of clear communication in its interface. The game instructions are explicit, short, and direct. Expectations are clear. Feedback is immediate and understandable. This clarity contributes to the accessibility of the application for children with language processing differences.
Communication in social situations
Clear Asperger communication also applies to social situations and explaining codes.
Clarify social expectations. “At grandma’s, say hello when you arrive and goodbye when you leave. Don’t talk about your video game all the time, also ask questions about what grandma is doing.”
Prepare for new social situations. Describe what will happen, who will be present, what is expected, how long it will last.
Debrief after social situations. “When you said X, the person looked surprised because Y. Next time, you could say Z.”
Provide scripts for recurring situations. How to answer the phone, how to approach someone, how to politely refuse: these scripts offer usable models.
The CLINT application and interface clarity
The CLINT application, designed for teenagers and adults, applies the same principles of clarity. Instructions are explicit, interfaces are streamlined, and information is presented in a structured manner. This design facilitates use by individuals who benefit from direct communication.
Common mistakes to avoid
Some common mistakes hinder clear Asperger communication.
Assuming the person understands what is not said. Implicitness does not work: what is not said is not understood.
Using irony or sarcasm without signaling. These forms of communication are particularly difficult to decode and can hurt or confuse.
Getting annoyed at having to be explicit. Clear communication is not a punishment but a necessary adaptation. Visible annoyance creates additional stress.
Interpreting direct answers as rudeness. Frankness is not aggression: it is communication without social filters.
Overloading with information. Clarity also implies conciseness. Too much information at once overwhelms.
Training to communicate better
Adapting communication is part of a broader understanding of Asperger functioning. The training “Autism Asperger: Understanding Invisible Particularities” offered by DYNSEO addresses the communicational dimensions of autism.
Discover the training: https://www.dynseo.com/courses/autism-asperger-comprendre-les-particularites-invisibles-cours/
This training helps understand why conventional communication poses problems and how to adapt exchanges for better mutual understanding.
Conclusion: Clarity benefits everyone
Clear Asperger communication is not a simplification or impoverishment of language. It is more precise, more direct, more effective communication. It requires an adjustment effort from neurotypicals, but this effort is rewarded with smoother exchanges and fewer misunderstandings.
Paradoxically, this communication adapted for Asperger individuals often benefits everyone. Who has never faced vague instructions, unexpressed expectations, misunderstood implications? Clarity is a universally appreciated quality of communication.
By learning to communicate clearly with an Asperger person, you develop a skill that enriches all your exchanges. You learn to say what you think, to ask for what you want, to check that you are understood. Ultimately, it is better communication for everyone.
