Developing Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem in Dyslexic Children

What dyslexia is, and what it is not

Dyslexia is a specific learning difference that mainly affects reading and spelling. It is characterized by difficulty decoding words, recognizing and linking letters and sounds, reading fluently and spelling accurately, and it occurs despite normal intelligence and adequate teaching. It is neurodevelopmental in origin, which means it reflects the way a child’s brain is wired for language, not how hard they try, how much they are read to or how much attention their parents pay to homework.

In practice, dyslexia can look very different from one child to another. One child reads slowly and with great effort but spells reasonably well. Another reads fairly accurately but cannot remember how a word is written from one day to the next. Many children also struggle to hold information in working memory, to copy from the board, to organize written work or to learn lists such as multiplication tables, days of the week or months of the year. Some have related difficulties, such as attention problems, coordination difficulties or trouble with numbers. Professionals often group these profiles under the umbrella term “DYS disorders”.

It is just as important to be clear about what dyslexia is not. It is not laziness. It is not a lack of intelligence. It is not caused by poor parenting, by bilingualism or by too much screen time, and it does not disappear if the child simply “concentrates harder”. These misconceptions are widespread, and children absorb them. A child who hears, even indirectly, that they could do better if they only tried harder will quickly conclude that the problem lies with them as a person. That conclusion is the seed of low self-esteem.

An accurate diagnosis, carried out by qualified professionals, is therefore much more than an administrative step. It gives the child, and the adults around them, a different story to tell: “Your brain handles written language in its own way, and we are going to find the methods that work for you.” If you are still wondering whether your child’s difficulties could point to dyslexia, a short online screening such as our dyslexia test: assessment of reading difficulties can help you put words on what you observe. It is a first orientation only and never replaces an assessment by a speech-language therapist, neuropsychologist or other qualified professional.

Self-confidence and self-esteem: two different things

The two words are often used interchangeably, but separating them helps you decide what to work on.

Self-confidence is task-specific. It is the belief “I can do this”, applied to reading aloud, riding a bike, learning a poem, making a new friend or taking a test. It is built through experience: attempting something, getting through it and noticing that it went better than feared.

Self-esteem is global. It is the feeling “I am worth something, I am lovable, I belong”, and it does not depend on a particular result. A child with healthy self-esteem can fail a spelling test and still think, “That was hard, but I am still a good person and I am still capable.”

Dyslexic children are particularly exposed to a gap between the two. Reading and writing are everywhere at school, so a difficulty in those areas can spread into a general belief, “I am bad at school, so I am bad”. Protecting self-esteem therefore means making sure that the child’s sense of worth rests on many pillars: relationships, interests, talents, kindness, humor, curiosity, and not only on academic results.

Why dyslexic children are especially vulnerable

Several features of the dyslexic experience combine to put confidence under pressure.

Constant, visible effort

Reading a single page can take a dyslexic child two or three times the effort it takes their peers. By the end of the school day they may be exhausted, yet the results are often still below what they, and their teachers, hoped for. Children are quick to notice this mismatch between effort and outcome. Many conclude, “Even when I try, it doesn’t work, so why bother?” This is the beginning of learned helplessness.

Public comparison

Classrooms are full of moments of comparison: reading aloud in turn, handing back dictations with marks in red, group work where one child writes and the others contribute. For a dyslexic child, each of these can feel like a small public exam of the thing they find hardest.

Negative feedback and misunderstandings

Remarks such as “You’re not trying”, “You’re careless”, “Your sister never had this problem” or “Pay attention!” are rarely meant cruelly, but they accumulate. Red ink on a page of otherwise good ideas tells the child that only mistakes are noticed.

Anxiety and avoidance

When a task reliably produces failure, avoidance becomes a sensible strategy. The child may suddenly need the bathroom when it is their turn to read, forget their book, joke around in class or claim a stomach-ache on the morning of a dictation. These behaviors are often misread as bad attitude when they are actually self-protection.

Social consequences

Some dyslexic children are teased about their reading; others simply feel “different” and withdraw. Writing messages, reading instructions in a game or following a group chat can be a source of stress. Friendships and a sense of belonging are central to self-esteem, so any social fallout deserves attention.

Warning signs that confidence is suffering

Not every child will express distress in words. Watch for changes in behavior over time, especially when several signs appear together.

• Negative self-talk: “I’m dumb”, “I’m useless”, “I’ll never get it”.
• Avoiding reading and writing far beyond what the difficulty alone would explain.
• Refusing to start homework, or tears and anger around it.
• Perfectionism or giving up too quickly: erasing the page until it tears, or abandoning tasks at the first mistake.
• Physical complaints on school mornings: headaches, stomach-aches, fatigue.
• Withdrawal from friends or activities they used to enjoy.
• Class clown behavior or opposition, used to avoid being seen as “the one who can’t”.
• Sleep difficulties or frequent worries about school.

If the signs are marked, persistent or accompanied by deep sadness, it is wise to speak with your pediatrician, a psychologist or the school’s support team. Emotional difficulties deserve their own support and should not simply be left to “pass” with improved reading.

Start at home: create a place where being yourself is safe

The family is the first and most powerful source of self-esteem. You do not need special training to make a difference; you need consistency, patience and a few good habits.

Name the difficulty, and name it kindly

Children often fill silence with their own explanations, and those explanations tend to be harsher than the truth. Explain dyslexia in age-appropriate words: “Your brain works in its own way when it comes to reading. It takes more energy for you to decode words. It has nothing to do with how smart you are. Lots of clever, creative people have dyslexia too.” Invite questions and come back to the topic regularly as your child grows.

Separate the child from the task

“This dictation was difficult” is very different from “You are bad at spelling”. Keep your language focused on the task, the strategy and the effort, never on the child’s identity. Avoid comparisons with siblings or classmates.

Protect the home from becoming a second classroom

After a full day of effort at school, evenings can easily turn into a battleground of homework, corrections and reminders. If every conversation with a parent is about reading, the child may come to feel that they are a problem to be solved. Plan time each day with no academic content at all: a game, a walk, cooking together, music, a chat in the car. Make sure that your child hears “I love spending time with you” much more often than “Have you done your reading?”

Give real responsibilities

Looking after a pet, setting the table, choosing the weekend activity, helping a younger cousin with a game: responsibilities tell a child, “You are capable and we count on you.” They build confidence outside the area where the child struggles.

Read to them, and with them, without pressure

Being read to is not a lesser form of reading. Stories heard through audiobooks or read aloud by a parent feed vocabulary, imagination, comprehension and the love of stories. Alternating pages, letting the child choose the book, or reading one line each can keep the shared moment pleasant. The aim at bedtime is connection, not an evaluation.

Praise that builds confidence rather than pressure

Praise is a powerful tool, but not all praise is equal. Research on motivation, especially the work on growth mindset, suggests that children benefit most from feedback that recognizes effort, strategy and progress rather than fixed qualities. For a dyslexic child, there are a few additional points worth remembering.

• Be specific and honest. Children, especially those who are sensitive to their own difficulties, notice when praise is inflated. “You sounded out three long words that were hard for you” is more convincing than “Great reading!”
• Compare the child to their own past, never to others: “Last month this paragraph took you twenty minutes; today it took twelve.”
• Praise the process: asking for help, using a tool, trying a new strategy, going back to check.
• Praise outside the academic arena too: kindness, humor, courage, creativity, teamwork.
• Do not use praise to hide the difficulty. Saying “You’re brilliant at everything” can feel dismissive when the child knows reading is hard. Acknowledge the difficulty and the effort together.

Make progress visible

When improvement is slow, it can be nearly invisible from the inside. A child who has gone from reading ten words a minute to twenty still feels far behind their classmates, because the comparison point has not changed. Making progress concrete and personal is therefore essential.

• A “proud of” folder or jar. Keep pieces of work, drawings, certificates, notes from the teacher or small slips of paper describing achievements. Review them together when the child is discouraged.
• Before-and-after samples. Date a short piece of writing or a recording of reading aloud every month or two. Listening to a recording from six months ago is often a revelation.
• Small, concrete goals. Rather than “read better”, aim for “read these five sight words without help” or “write three sentences with a checklist”. Goals should be achievable within days or a couple of weeks, so the child regularly experiences success.
• A visual tracker. A simple chart or sticker board can be motivating for younger children. Reward effort and consistency rather than only results.

Safe mistakes: changing the relationship to error

For many dyslexic children, a mistake is not just a mistake; it is evidence for the story “I can’t do this.” One of the most freeing things adults can do is to change what errors mean.

Model it yourself. Let your child see you make a mistake, say “Oops, let’s see what happened” and fix it calmly. Share stories of your own difficulties and of what you learned from them. Celebrate “good mistakes”, the ones that reveal how a child is thinking and what to work on next.

Some practical adjustments help too:

• Correct a limited number of errors at a time, chosen according to the current learning objective, rather than marking everything.
• Comment first on what is right, such as the ideas, the structure or the vocabulary, before pointing out spelling.
• Offer low-stakes practice: games, drafts and tasks that do not count toward a grade.
• Use gentle language: “not yet” rather than “wrong”.

Digital tools can lower the pressure further. A well-designed educational game does not shame a child for a wrong answer; it simply offers another try. DYNSEO’s COCO educational games are designed in that spirit for children: short, playful activities that stimulate attention, memory, language and logic, where trying again is part of the fun. They are a way to practise cognitive skills in a relaxed setting and to experience success; they are a complement to, and never a substitute for, the work done with specialists such as speech-language therapists.

At school: working with teachers so that support feels normal

School is where dyslexic children spend most of their waking hours, so what happens there matters enormously for their sense of self. The aim is for adaptations to be matter-of-fact, respectful and discreet.

Open a collaborative dialogue

Ask for a meeting early in the school year, ideally before problems escalate. Bring any assessment reports, a short description of what helps your child, and a spirit of partnership. Most teachers want to help and welcome concrete suggestions. Remember that teachers see your child in a group of many; you are the expert on how they feel at home after a long day.

Reasonable adjustments that protect dignity

Depending on your country and your child’s needs, adjustments may include extra time, readable fonts and layouts, instructions given orally as well as in writing, access to a computer or spell-checker, reduced copying from the board, and assessment of content separately from spelling. Where possible, agree that your child will not be asked to read aloud in front of the class without preparation, or will be offered a choice such as reading a short passage they have rehearsed.

Adaptations work best when they are available in a way that does not single the child out. Some teachers offer certain supports to the whole class, such as visual schedules, checklists or extra time on certain tasks, which helps normalize them.

Reframe marking and feedback

Ask teachers if they can mark content and spelling separately, highlight what is correct, and use comments that explain how to improve. Avoid red-pen overload; a page covered with corrections is demoralizing, however well-meaning.

Watch for bullying and exclusion

Ask your child gently about breaks, lunchtime and group work. If you notice teasing, tell the school promptly. Our course on supporting students with learning disabilities: strategies and tools for the classroom offers professionals concrete ways to build inclusive classrooms where differences are understood and respected.

Learn how your child learns

One of the most effective ways to restore confidence is to give children a sense of agency in their own learning. When a child understands how they learn best, they stop thinking, “I can’t learn,” and start thinking, “I learn differently, and I know what helps me.”

Many dyslexic children do very well with multisensory approaches that combine seeing, hearing, speaking and moving: tracing letters in sand while saying the sound, building words with tiles, using colors to mark syllables, learning with songs and gestures, turning facts into drawings or mind maps. Others benefit from audiobooks, speech-to-text tools, or text-to-speech software that reads documents aloud.

You can explore preferences with your child through observation and conversation. A tool such as our learning style test offers a playful starting point for discussing whether your child leans toward visual, auditory or hands-on approaches. Keep in mind that learning styles are tendencies rather than rigid categories, so use the results as ideas to try, not labels to apply. Our free resource Learning to learn can also help older children and teenagers think about their strategies for organizing, memorizing and revising.

Encourage your child to experiment and report back: “Which method helped you remember this spelling list best?” This turns them into the investigator of their own mind, which is a respectful and empowering position.

Discover and nurture strengths

A child who is defined by their weakest area will inevitably feel small. A child who is also known for what they do well, and who has chances to shine, can carry a more balanced sense of self into every challenge.

Many dyslexic people describe strengths in areas such as creative thinking, visual and spatial reasoning, storytelling, problem solving, empathy, entrepreneurship, practical skills and big-picture thinking. These strengths are not guaranteed, of course. Every child is an individual, and it would be a mistake to put pressure on a dyslexic child to be “gifted” at something to compensate. But paying attention to what lights up your child, and giving them time and resources to pursue it, is one of the most reliable ways of building self-esteem.

Some ways to do this:

• Expose them to varied activities: sport, art, music, drama, building, cooking, gardening, coding, animals, scouting.
• Follow their passions, even when they seem unusual. A child who knows everything about dinosaurs, engines or a favorite game is a child who knows how to learn.
• Offer chances to teach others. Explaining a skill to a younger child, or showing a grandparent how to use a tablet, positions the child as the expert.
• Introduce role models. Many successful scientists, entrepreneurs, artists, athletes and writers have dyslexia. Reading or watching their stories helps a child see dyslexia as one part of a person’s story and not the whole plot.
• Connect with peers. Groups, clubs or online communities where children and teens share experiences can end the isolation of being the only one.

Emotional skills: helping children handle frustration and anxiety

Because dyslexia can trigger strong feelings, emotional skills are as important as academic ones. Teach your child to recognize and name what they feel: frustration, shame, worry, anger, sadness. A simple “feelings thermometer” or color chart helps young children point rather than explain.

Then offer tools for calming down and starting again:

• Breathing exercises: breathe in slowly for four counts and out for six, or blow on an imaginary candle.
• Movement breaks: stretching, jumping jacks or a short walk between tasks.
• A “calm corner” or break card which the child can use without having to justify themselves.
• Self-talk scripts: “This is hard, but I can do hard things.” “I don’t have to get it right the first time.” “I can ask for help.”
• Chunking tasks: break a page of homework into three small pieces with a pause between each.

If anxiety is a major theme for your child, our course Accompanying an anxious child: rituals, breathing, grounding techniques offers practical methods that parents and professionals can use every day.

Online course: helping a child with DYS disorders

A practical training for parents and professionals who want to understand dyslexia and related learning differences and to put in place everyday solutions, from homework routines to emotional support.

Discover the course

Homework without tears

Homework is often the daily flashpoint where self-esteem is made or broken. A few structural changes can transform the experience.

Set the stage

Choose a quiet, well-lit space, with the essentials within reach and distractions removed. Agree on a regular time after a snack and a break, not straight after school when the child is depleted.

Keep sessions short and structured

Many dyslexic children work in short bursts of effective concentration. Use a timer for 10 to 20 minutes of work followed by 5 minutes of movement or rest. Write the plan visibly: “1. Maths exercise, 2. Break, 3. Read the short text together, 4. Done!” Knowing that there is an end point reduces anxiety.

Reduce the reading load where the goal is not reading

If the aim of an exercise is to practise multiplication, history knowledge or science concepts, read the instructions aloud or let the child use text-to-speech so that decoding difficulty does not hide what they actually understand. Reading practice can take place at other times, in its own protected slot.

Use technology wisely

Speech-to-text, audiobooks, word-prediction software and spell-checkers are not “cheating”; they are the glasses of the dyslexic learner. Introduce them without apology, and help your child practise using them fluently.

Know when to stop

If tears or conflict take over, it is acceptable and healthy to stop, write a note to the teacher and come back to it later. A relationship that stays warm is worth more than one more completed worksheet.

Building resilience for the long term

Resilience is the ability to face difficulty, recover and keep going. It is not a fixed trait but a set of skills and attitudes that can be nurtured, and it is perhaps the most valuable gift we can give a dyslexic child, because dyslexia will accompany them into adolescence and adulthood.

Encourage self-advocacy

Gradually shift responsibility to the child. A seven-year-old can learn to say, “Can you read that to me, please?” A twelve-year-old can explain which adjustments help them. A teenager can talk to a new teacher, request extra time for exams or present their needs to an employer. Practise these conversations at home through role play. Being able to speak up for oneself without shame is a strong marker of self-esteem.

Allow healthy challenge

It is tempting to shield children from everything difficult, but confidence is built by successfully overcoming manageable challenges. Choose tasks that are slightly beyond the child’s comfort zone, provide support, and step back as they gain skill.

Model a growth mindset

Talk about your own learning: “I couldn’t do this at first; I practised, and now I can.” Describe your struggles and your strategies. Children learn far more from what we do than from what we say.

Look after your own wellbeing

Parenting a child with a learning difference can be tiring, emotionally and practically. Your own stress, guilt or worry can seep into your interactions. Connect with other parents, seek counseling if needed, and allow yourself to be a “good enough” parent. Your child needs a parent who is present and warm much more than one who is perfect.

Online course: identify and support DYS disorders in primary school

Designed for teachers, school staff and therapists, this training helps you recognize the signs of DYS disorders in the early school years and adapt your teaching practices so that every child can take part with dignity.

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Different ages, different needs

A child’s way of experiencing dyslexia changes with development. Adjust your approach accordingly.

Early primary years (about 5 to 8)

This is when the gap between a child and their peers first becomes visible. Children at this age are often unable to explain what is wrong but show it through behavior: reluctance, tears, tummy-aches. Priorities are early, structured, multisensory teaching, a lot of warmth and reassurance, play-based practice and protecting a love of stories. Keep the message simple: “Reading is hard for your brain right now, and we have lots of ways to help.”

Later primary years (about 8 to 11)

Children become more aware of comparison and more sensitive to what peers think. The demands of writing increase, and so do the risks of avoidance and of “clowning around”. Strategies at this stage include helping children find domains of pride, teaching them to use compensatory tools and enlisting teachers’ help in avoiding public humiliation.

Early adolescence (about 11 to 14)

The transition to secondary school brings several teachers, heavier reading and writing loads, more organization demands and intense concerns about fitting in. Support their growing autonomy: let them take part in decisions about adjustments, make sure all new teachers are informed and watch for signs of anxiety or low mood. Teenagers may refuse accommodations that make them visible, so involve them in finding discreet solutions.

Later adolescence and beyond

Exams, career choices and independence come into view. Help young people understand their rights to accommodations, explore careers that match their strengths and keep investing in their wider identity. Many dyslexic adults say that finding the right environment, one where their strengths counted, was the turning point in their confidence.

Common questions parents ask about confidence and dyslexia

Should I tell my child they have dyslexia?

In most cases, yes, in words they can understand. Children usually know something is different, and a clear explanation is almost always less frightening than silence. Emphasize that dyslexia is a way the brain handles reading, that it is not their fault, and that help exists.

Should I wait to see whether they “grow out of it”?

Dyslexia does not go away, but its impact can be greatly reduced with the right teaching and tools. Waiting often lets frustration and low self-esteem build up. If you have concerns, seek an assessment sooner rather than later.

Is it okay to push my child to try harder?

Dyslexic children typically already work extremely hard. What helps is not more pressure but different methods, appropriate support and encouragement. If you want to see where your child’s attention and memory skills stand, our free dyslexia screening test can offer pointers to discuss with a professional.

How do I handle a child who says “I’m stupid”?

Listen first, without rushing to contradict. Reflect the feeling: “It sounds like you felt really discouraged today.” Then gently challenge the statement with specific evidence: “You figured out how to build that model all by yourself. That takes real intelligence.” Offer to look together at what was hard and what could help. If such statements are frequent, consult a professional.

Professionals and resources that can help

You do not need to do all of this alone. A multidisciplinary team often provides the best support: a speech-language therapist for reading and spelling remediation, a neuropsychologist or psychologist for assessment and emotional support, an occupational therapist where coordination or handwriting is difficult, an educational specialist or learning support teacher at school, and your pediatrician or family doctor for overall coordination.

For families and professionals who want to go further, DYNSEO offers several resources. The online training courses cover DYS disorders, anxiety, school difficulties and more, with practical tools you can apply right away. The courses and tools are educational and supportive; they do not replace a diagnosis or therapy.

And for the child themselves, short games that make practising feel like play can contribute to a positive relationship with learning. COCO offers playful activities for children, designed to stimulate attention, memory, language and logic skills in an encouraging environment where mistakes are simply part of the game. They are a useful complement to the work you do with your child, with teachers and with specialists.

Frequently asked questions

Conclusion: a child is more than their reading level

Dyslexia may shape how a child reads, but it does not have to shape how a child sees themselves. With understanding adults, well-chosen strategies, a school that makes room for difference and many opportunities to discover what they are good at, dyslexic children can grow into confident, resilient young people who know their own worth. The journey is rarely straight, and there will be discouraging days. On those days, remember that what your child most needs is not a perfect plan but your steady belief in them. Every time you say, in words and in actions, “I see how hard you work, and I know you can do this,” you are building the foundation of lasting self-esteem.

Online course: accompanying an anxious child

Rituals, breathing and grounding techniques to help children who feel overwhelmed by school demands find calm and confidence again.

Discover the course