In our profession of supporting elderly people, and more specifically those with cognitive disorders such as Alzheimer's disease, we find ourselves daily at the crossroads of the purest and most complex human emotions. We weave connections, share laughter, silences, and sometimes anxieties. This attachment that is created is both the driving force of our vocation and a potentially slippery ground. The question then is not whether to get attached, but how to get attached. How to keep this flame of empathy without letting it consume us? This is the whole challenge of "the right professional distance," a subtle balance that we strive to cultivate and pass on.
This balance is comparable to the walk of a tightrope walker. On one side, there is the abyss of indifference and technical coldness, which dehumanizes care and denies the very essence of the helping relationship. On the other, the precipice of emotional over-involvement, which leads to exhaustion, loss of objectivity, and, paradoxically, to less effective support. Our role, as professionals and trainers, is to help you stretch this thread, to find your point of balance to move forward with confidence and serenity in your daily practice.
Before trying to master it, it is essential to understand why this emotional connection is so present and powerful in our professions. Far from being a weakness, it is the foundation of quality care, but its mechanisms deserve to be illuminated so as not to become imprisoned by them.
The Legitimacy of Human Connection
We are not machines. When you support a person day after day, helping them with their most intimate gestures, witnessing their vulnerability, it is not only normal but also desirable that a bond is formed. This bond is the cement of trust. For an elderly person, often isolated or disoriented by illness, feeling that they can count on a familiar face, on a caring presence, is a pillar of their well-being. Refusing this bond out of fear of becoming too involved would deprive the person being supported of essential comfort and deny oneself one of the greatest riches of this profession. Attachment is proof that humanity is at the heart of your professional gesture.
The Benefits of a Trusting Relationship
When a healthy attachment is established, the benefits are concrete and measurable. A resident or patient who feels trust with you will be more cooperative during care, more inclined to communicate, even non-verbally. This privileged relationship allows for better deciphering of unexpressed needs, anticipating anxieties, and adapting your approach. You become a stable reference in a daily life that can be a source of confusion. For you, the caregiver, this positive bond is an immense source of professional satisfaction. It gives profound meaning to your work, beyond technical tasks. Seeing a smile emerge, feeling a hand relax in yours, these are the rewards that nourish your commitment.
Warning Signs of Excessive Attachment
The danger arises when the boundary between the professional relationship and the personal relationship blurs. The warning signs can be subtle at first. You find yourself thinking about a resident outside of your working hours, not for a professional reason, but with a personal and invasive concern. You may feel anger or frustration towards other colleagues who, in your opinion, "do not take care of them as well." Another sign is the difficulty in taking your days off, driven by a feeling of guilt or the idea that the person will not be well without you. You may also start to overstep your role: making decisions on behalf of the family, giving personal gifts, or sharing confidences about your own private life. These behaviors, which often stem from good intentions, indicate that the professional distance has faded, exposing you directly to emotional exhaustion.
The Right Distance: Definition of an Active Balance
The "right distance" is not a wall erected between oneself and the other. It is rather a permeable membrane that we learn to regulate. It allows empathy, warmth, and understanding to pass through, but filters out overwhelming emotions that could engulf us.
More than a Distance, a Posture
We prefer to talk about "right posture" or "right proximity." It is not about distancing oneself but finding the right place. Imagine a lighthouse on a stormy coast. The lighthouse is not in the water with the boats in trouble. It stands firmly on solid ground, in its right place, to illuminate, guide, and offer a reliable point of reference. It is fully connected to the situation, feels the power of the storm, but does not get swept away by the waves. As a caregiver, your role is to be this lighthouse for the person you are supporting. Your solidity and calm are the lights that guide them through the confusion of their illness. If you dive in with them, you will both drown.
Professional Empathy vs. Merging Sympathy
It is crucial to distinguish between two concepts often confused: empathy and sympathy.
- Empathy is the ability to understand the emotion of the other, to put oneself in their shoes to grasp what they feel while remaining oneself. It is a powerful professional tool. "I understand that you are anxious about this situation, and I am here to help you through it."
- Sympathy, in its merging aspect, consists of feeling the same emotion as the other, to "suffer with." You are sad because they are sad. You are anxious because they are anxious. This emotional contagion makes you vulnerable and less able to help effectively, as you are caught up in the emotional whirlwind yourself.
The right distance consists of cultivating empathy while protecting oneself from merging sympathy. It is a permanent exercise in self-awareness that requires training and support.
Our Training: A Lever to Build Your Posture
Because we are convinced that this skill is not innate but can be acquired and maintained, we have developed specific training paths. They aim not only to transmit technical know-how but also essential know-how that ensures the sustainability of your commitment.
Learning through Simulation
In our training session dedicated to supporting Alzheimer patients, we go well beyond theory. We know that managing emotions and relationships is at the heart of the challenges posed by this disease. Behavioral disorders, memory loss, sometimes aggression, are situations that can put even the most seasoned caregiver to the test and blur professional boundaries.
That is why our training includes role-playing and practical case analyses. These simulations allow you to experiment with reactions, identify your own emotional triggers in a secure and supportive environment. By collectively debriefing these experiences, you learn to recognize the signs of excessive involvement and develop concrete strategies to readjust your posture. It is about giving you the tools to no longer endure the relationship but to steer it with awareness and professionalism.
Developing a Relational Toolbox
The training helps you build your own "toolbox" to manage distance. This involves learning appropriate communication techniques, such as active listening or validating the patient's emotions without appropriating them. We also work on the importance of non-verbal language, which is often the main channel of communication with individuals suffering from advanced cognitive disorders. Learning to use silence, respectful touch, or eye contact as care tools allows for the creation of a strong and secure bond while remaining within a defined professional framework.
Concrete Tools to Structure and Calm the Relationship
Beyond training, we believe in the power of mediation tools to help maintain this right distance. A tool, whether playful or practical, acts as a third party in the relationship. It provides support, a common goal that channels interaction and structure, thus avoiding the purely emotional "face-to-face" that can be exhausting.
EDITH: The Game as a Neutral Meeting Ground
Our EDITH program, with its memory games for seniors on tablets, is much more than just a cognitive stimulation tool. It is a wonderful mediator of the relationship. When you propose a game to a resident, you no longer position yourself merely as "the caregiver" facing "the sick person." You become game partners.
- It creates a common goal: Attention is focused on the screen, on the rules of the game, on the pleasure of succeeding in an exercise. This shared activity shifts the center of gravity of the relationship, which is no longer solely centered on illness, dependence, or complaints.
- It facilitates positive communication: The game generates light and stimulating conversation topics. You can laugh at a mistake, congratulate a success. It allows for the creation of moments of complicity and sharing that nourish the bond of trust without exposing you to heavy personal confidences or difficult emotions to manage.
- It values the person being supported: By succeeding in a game, even a simple one, the elderly person feels competent and valued. You are a witness to their success, which positively reinforces the relationship. You are no longer just the one who "helps," but also the one who "admits" their abilities.
By using EDITH, you structure the time of interaction, giving it a playful and caring framework. It is a powerful means to stimulate and create a bond, as we explore in our training. You can learn more about this approach by visiting our dedicated page: https://www.dynseo.com/courses/stimuler-et-creer-du-lien-avec-les-jeux-dynseo/.
MY DICTIONARY: Depersonalizing Communication Difficulties
Language disorders (aphasia) are one of the most intense sources of frustration, both for the sick person and the caregiver. The inability to be understood can generate annoyance, sadness, and you may feel helpless, even personally responsible for this communication failure.
Our tool MY DICTIONARY was designed to meet this challenge. By offering images, pictograms, and keywords, it provides concrete support for the person to express a need, a desire, or pain. For the caregiver, MY DICTIONARY plays a crucial role in maintaining the right distance. It transforms the problem. Instead of "I can't understand what Mrs. Dupont wants to tell me," the situation becomes "Let's use the MY DICTIONARY tool together so that Mrs. Dupont can show us what she needs." The tool depersonalizes the difficulty. You are no longer facing a wall of misunderstanding, but collaborating with the person to use a solution. This reduces your mental load and emotional pressure while restoring power and autonomy to the person being supported.
Cultivating Your Own Emotional Hygiene
Finally, the right professional distance is not just a matter of techniques and tools. It is above all a personal discipline, supported by a favorable work environment. It is an inner garden that you must maintain so that it is neither arid nor overrun by the weeds of exhaustion.
The Importance of Team Support
Never stay alone with your emotions. Times of transmission, team meetings, or simple coffee breaks with colleagues are precious moments. Talking about a difficult situation, sharing a doubt, a sorrow, or a joy allows you to take a step back and realize that you are not alone in feeling these things. The team acts as a collective mirror, helping you to put things into perspective and analyze a situation with more objectivity. It is the first line of defense against emotional isolation, which is the breeding ground for over-involvement.
The Essential Role of Supervision and Debriefing
In an ideal world, every institution should offer speaking groups or supervision sessions led by a psychologist or an external professional. These dedicated spaces allow for "emptying one's bag" in complete confidentiality, shedding accumulated emotional weight, and analyzing professional practices without judgment. It is a necessary time for emotional "cleaning" that allows you to return to work with renewed energy and a clearer vision.
Preserving Your Secret Garden
Finally, the most fundamental strategy is not to be solely a caregiver. You are also a person with a life, passions, friends, and family. It is vital to compartmentalize, to leave the "work blue" and professional worries at the door at the end of the day. Cultivate activities that recharge you and have nothing to do with your job. Whether it's sports, gardening, music, or outings with friends, these moments are your safety valve. They remind you who you are outside of your role and allow you to recharge your emotional batteries. Without this rich personal life, the risk is that work becomes the only place for emotional investment, with all the dangers that entails.
In conclusion, finding and maintaining the right professional distance is a journey, an art that requires awareness, tools, and support. It is not a sign of coldness, but the mark of great professionalism and the sine qua non condition to be able to practice this demanding and beautiful profession in the long term. By training, using mediation tools like EDITH and MY DICTIONARY, and taking care of yourself, you not only protect yourself; you ensure the highest quality care for the people you support: care illuminated by empathy but firmly anchored in clarity and professional serenity.
In the context of managing emotional attachment and professional distance, it is essential to understand the challenges faced by health professionals, particularly in the context of caring for the elderly. A relevant article on this subject is the exclusive interview on the Colisée residence in Vaxys. This article explores the practices and approaches adopted by professionals to maintain a balance between the necessary empathy and professional distance while ensuring a quality care environment for residents.
