title: How to manage the gaze of others on your child with Down syndrome
description: Practical guide to managing the gaze, remarks, and reactions of the public towards your child with Down syndrome: response strategies, emotional management, awareness, and protection of the child against prejudices.
keywords: gaze others Down syndrome, manage judgment Down syndrome, public reactions child with Down syndrome, prejudices Down syndrome, raise awareness difference, protect disabled child gazes
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Down syndrome, gaze of others, judgment, prejudices, awareness, protection, inclusion, reactions
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Reading time: 18 minutes
"People stare at us in the street." "A lady loudly asked 'What's wrong with your son?'" "Children make fun at school." "I'm afraid of the gazes, I avoid going out." "How to respond to intrusive questions?" "How to protect my child from judgment?"
The gaze of others is one of the most painful trials for parents of children with Down syndrome. Insistent gazes, inappropriate remarks, intrusive questions, mockery, pity: these reactions hurt, anger, and cause doubt. How to protect your child? How to protect yourself? How to transform ignorance into understanding?
This guide provides you with concrete keys to manage public reactions, protect your child, and move forward calmly despite the weight of social gaze.
Table of contents
1. Understanding the reactions of others
3. Responding to different situations
Understanding the reactions of others {#understanding-reactions}
Typology of gazes and reactions
1. Curiosity
Insistent gazes, questions: "How old is he? What's wrong with him?"
Motivation: Curiosity, ignorance (not knowing about Down syndrome).
Not necessarily malicious, but awkward.
2. Pity
"Oh poor thing..." "Courage..." Compassionate sighs.
Motivation: Compassion (often poorly expressed).
Devaluing: reduces the child to their disability, pities them instead of seeing them as a whole person.
3. Judgment
Disapproving gazes, whispers, remarks: "They shouldn't have kept him."
Motivation: Prejudices, ignorance, intolerance.
Hurtful, revolting.
4. Discomfort
Avoidance of gaze, crossing the street, awkward silence.
Motivation: Doesn't know how to react, fear of saying something wrong.
Not malicious, but can be perceived as rejection.
5. Authentic kindness
Warm smiles, natural interactions, sincere compliments.
It exists too! Don't forget that.
Why these reactions?
Ignorance:
Many do not know about Down syndrome, have never interacted with disabled people.
Fear of difference:
What is different causes worry, discomfort.
Media representations:
Lack of positive visibility of people with Down syndrome in the media.
Education:
Generation raised without awareness of disability.
Projection:
"What if it were my child?" → fear, pity.
Understanding does not justify, but helps not to take everything personally.
Managing your own emotions {#manage-emotions}
Frequent emotions
Anger:
"How dare they look at us like that?"
Sadness:
"Why does my child have to go through this?"
Shame (at first):
"I'm ashamed of the gazes" → feeling of guilt afterwards.
Tiredness:
"Another gaze, another remark..."
Desire to hide:
Avoid going out to not face it.
Accepting these emotions
All these emotions are normal, legitimate.
Do not judge yourself: "I shouldn't be ashamed" → but it's human.
Allow yourself to feel.
Strategies to manage
1. Breathing
In stressful situations (insistent gaze, hurtful remark):
Breathe deeply (3 slow inhalations/exhalations).
Calms the nervous system, allows you to react rather than explode.
2. Put things into perspective
These people do not know you, do not know your child.
Their opinion does not matter.
What counts: Your love, your support.
3. Speak positively to yourself
"My child is wonderful just as they are."
"These gazes say more about them than about us."
Self-encouragement.
4. Support network
Talk to loved ones, to other parents (support groups).
Share emotions, receive support.
5. Take care of yourself
Refreshing activities (sports, reading, time for yourself).
Exhausted parents = less resilience in the face of gazes.
Responding to different situations {#respond}
Insistent gazes
Option 1: Ignore
Continue on your way, do not give importance.
Advantage: No confrontation, no energy spent.
Option 2: Smile
Smile at the person (disarms).
Sometimes, they smile back (awkwardness turned into kindness).
Option 3: Address with humor
"Do you have a question?" (light, smiling tone)
Often, the person realizes their indiscretion, apologizes.
Intrusive questions
Examples:
"What's wrong with him?" "Is it Down syndrome?" "Will he be like this all his life?"
Option 1: Short and firm response
"It's personal."
"I don't wish to discuss it."
Set a boundary.
Option 2: Brief education
"He has Down syndrome. It's a genetic difference. He develops at his own pace, and he is wonderful."
Factual tone, not aggressive.
Raises awareness without exhausting yourself.
Option 3: Redirection
"And you, how are you?" (redirect the conversation)
Hurtful remarks
Examples:
"Oh poor thing..." "It must be hard for you." "Did you know during the pregnancy?"
Option 1: Direct response
"He is not to be pitied, he is happy."
"It's personal, I don't wish to discuss it."
Option 2: Calm confrontation
"That remark is hurtful. My son is a whole person, not an object of pity."
Calm tone, but firm.
Option 3: Walk away
If too hurtful, leave.
Protect your energy.
Mockery (children)
Common situation: Children pointing, laughing, imitating.
Option 1: Gentle education
Approach calmly: "Did you notice that [First Name] is different? It's because he has Down syndrome. That means he learns more slowly, but he loves to play, laugh, just like you. Mocking is hurtful. You can say hello instead."
Children are receptive if explained gently.
Option 2: Involve the parents
If parents are present: "Your child has a question about disability. Maybe it's an opportunity to talk about it together?"
Empower.
Option 3: Protect the child
If mean, repeated mockery:
Firmly address: "That's not nice. Stop."
Walk away, reassure your child.
Report (to school if in a school context).
Protecting your child {#protect-child}
Being a shield
Your role: Protect your child from hurtful gazes, mockery.
Intervene when necessary (without overreacting).
Reassure the child: "They don't know you. You are wonderful."
Building self-esteem
The more confidence the child has, the less affected they are by gazes.
Value their achievements, their qualities.
Tell them: "You are unique, you are loved, you have your place."
Teaching responses
According to age and abilities:
If asked "What's wrong with you?":
Teach to respond: "I have Down syndrome. It's just a difference."
Empowerment: they can respond themselves, not be passive.
Normalizing difference
At home, talk openly about Down syndrome.
"You have Down syndrome. It's a part of you, like your brown eyes, your love for cats. It's neither good nor bad, it's you."
Books, movies with disabled characters (positive representation).
Creating an inclusive environment
School, activities: Ensure that the environment is kind.
If bullying: Act immediately (management, educators).
Change schools if necessary (protection above all).
Raising awareness and educating {#raise-awareness}
Talking about Down syndrome
Breaking the taboo.
Talk about it naturally: friends, family, neighbors.
The more we talk about it, the more it is normalized.
Sharing on social media
If you are comfortable:
Share photos, moments from everyday life.
Show life with Down syndrome (joys, challenges, normality).
Raises awareness among those around you, changes representations.
Attention: Respect the child's privacy, their right to image.
Interventions in schools
Propose an intervention at school on difference, disability.
You, a professional, an association (Down Syndrome France).
Raising awareness among classmates = less mockery, more inclusion.
Carrying positive messages
T-shirts, badges with messages: "Difference is a wealth" "All unique, all equal".
Visible, affirmative.
Supporting awareness campaigns
World Down Syndrome Day (March 21):
Participate in events, share on social media.
Media campaigns: Relay, support.
Surrounding yourself and strengthening yourself {#surround}
Support groups
Parents who are going through the same thing understand.
Support groups (associations): Share, listen, be supported.
Social networks: Facebook groups, forums.
Choosing your circle
Distance yourself from toxic people (constant judgments, hurtful remarks).
Surround yourself with kindness: friends, family who accept, value your child.
Strengthening resilience
Reading: Books, testimonials from parents.
Therapy: Psychologist if needed (emotional management).
Refreshing activities.
Celebrating victories
Every outing without hurtful gazes = victory.
Every person who reacts with kindness = light.
Focus on the positive (without denying the negative).
Conclusion: Moving forward despite the gazes
The gaze of others can hurt, anger, tire. But it should never prevent you and your child from living fully. Understanding reactions, managing your emotions, responding with confidence, protecting your child, raising awareness: all these strategies transform the weight of judgment into a force of resilience.
The keys to managing the gaze of others:
1. Understand reactions (ignorance, fear) without justifying them
2. Manage your emotions (breathing, support, self-kindness)
3. Respond or ignore depending on the situation
4. Protect your child (self-esteem, kind environment)
5. Raise awareness when you have the energy
6. Surround yourself with kindness, distance yourself from toxicity
Your child is wonderful just as they are. The gazes change nothing about this truth. Move forward with your head held high. You have nothing to prove, nothing to hide. You just have to love, protect, be proud. And that is already immense.
DYNSEO resources to support your family:
- Training "Supporting a child with Down syndrome: keys and solutions for everyday life"
- Free guide: Supporting a child with Down syndrome with COCO
- COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES: developing abilities, strengthening confidence
The gaze of others does not define your child. Your love, your support, your pride: that is what matters. Move forward. Shine. Together.