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Her face remains impassive when you tell her good news. She doesn’t cry when something sad happens. He seems indifferent to events that upset the rest of the family. These reactions, or rather this apparent lack of reaction, often lead people around them to conclude that Asperger’s sufferers have fewer emotions than others. This conclusion is not only false, it can be deeply hurtful.
Emotions in Asperger’s autism are not absent or diminished. They are often intense, sometimes even more so than in neurotypicals. What differs is the way they are expressed outwardly. Understanding this dissociation between inner feelings and outward expression is essential to providing accurate support and avoiding painful misunderstandings.
The myth of emotionlessness
One of the most widespread and damaging prejudices about autism is the idea that those affected lack emotion or empathy. This prejudice is based on a superficial observation: Asperger’s sufferers don’t always express their emotions in the conventional way, so they don’t feel anything.
This conclusion confuses expression with feeling. Just because an emotion isn’t visible doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Many people with Asperger’s have a rich, intense and sometimes overwhelming emotional world. Sadness can be devastating, joy can be ecstatic, anxiety can be paralyzing, all behind a face that appears neutral.
This difference between feeling and expression can be explained by several factors. Alexithymia, present in many autistic people, is a difficulty in identifying and naming one’s own emotions. We can feel something intense without knowing exactly what it is or how to express it. Moreover, the conventional facial and bodily expressions of emotion are not innate but are partly learned socially, and this learning may be incomplete.
Acknowledging the reality of emotions in Asperger’s autism, even when they are invisible, represents a fundamental change of perspective in support. Instead of trying to “make the person react”, or seeing them as cold, we can learn to recognize their own modes of expression.
How do emotions express themselves differently?
The emotions of people with Asperger’s often find different ways of expression from those socially expected. Learning to recognize these alternative expressions helps us to better understand what the person is going through.
The expression may be through the body rather than the face. Where a smile is expected to express joy, the person may show their happiness through body movements, “stims” (self-stimulating behaviors) such as clapping, hopping or rocking. These behaviors, sometimes considered inappropriate, are in fact genuine emotional expressions.
Expression may be delayed. The emotional reaction does not necessarily come at the expected moment, but may occur later, once the information has been fully processed. A happy event may not elicit a visible reaction for several hours or days.
Expression can take the form of specific interests. A person with a passion for trains may express his joy by talking about more trains, or his sadness by immersing himself in his catalogs. Immersion in the field of passion serves as an emotional regulator.
Expression may be verbal rather than non-verbal. Some people with Asperger’s express their emotions in words, describing how they feel, rather than through the expected facial or body expressions. Asking “How do you feel?” can be more informative than observing the face.
The storm beneath the surface: hidden emotional intensity
While autistic Asperger’s emotions may appear muted from the outside, they are often experienced with considerable intensity on the inside. This hidden intensity deserves to be understood and respected.
Many Asperger’s sufferers describe an emotional experience that can be overwhelming. Emotions arrive like powerful waves, difficult to modulate or contain. This intensity can concern both pleasant emotions (intense joy, overflowing enthusiasm) and difficult ones (overwhelming anxiety, deep sadness).
This intensity can be explained in part by the emotional regulation difficulties often present in autism. Where neurotypicals have relatively automatic modulation mechanisms, Asperger’s sufferers may need conscious, learned strategies to regulate their emotions.
The gap between inner intensity and outer expression can create great loneliness. Feeling overwhelmed by an emotion while being perceived as indifferent by those around you is an isolating experience. Validating this feeling, even when it’s not visible, is essential to well-being.
This hidden emotional intensity can also explain certain reactions that seem “disproportionate” to those around them. When a contained emotion finally boils over, the explosion can come as a surprise. But it doesn’t come from nowhere: it’s the culmination of an intense inner process that has remained invisible.
Empathy: a different way of working
The empathy of Asperger’s sufferers has long been questioned, even denied. Recent research and the testimonies of people with Asperger’s have considerably altered this picture.
Empathy can be broken down into several dimensions. Cognitive empathy refers to the ability to understand intellectually what the other is feeling, to put oneself in the other person’s place mentally. Affective empathy refers to the ability to feel an emotion in response to another’s emotion. Behavioral empathy refers to the ability to respond appropriately to another’s perceived emotion.
People with Asperger’s may have difficulty with cognitive empathy, having difficulty deducing what the other person is feeling from subtle non-verbal cues. But their affective empathy is often preserved, even amplified: once they understand what the other is feeling, they can feel it very intensely themselves.
Behavioral empathy can also be challenging, not because of indifference but because of uncertainty about the appropriate response. The person may feel helpless in the face of the other’s distress, not knowing how to respond “appropriately”, which can be misinterpreted as a lack of interest.
Many Aspergers even describe a form of hyper-empathy, an excessive sensitivity to the emotions of others that can be painful. Feeling the distress of others too intensely can lead to withdrawal, not out of indifference but to protect oneself from unbearable feelings.
Helping to identify and name emotions
Alexithymia, the difficulty in identifying and naming one’s own emotions, affects a significant proportion of Asperger’s sufferers. Supporting the development of this skill can greatly improve emotional regulation.
Visual aids can help identify emotions. Emotion wheels” that present different emotional states and their nuances, emotional thermometers that allow us to assess intensity, images of expressive faces that serve as a reference: these tools provide a visual vocabulary for emotions.
The COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES application includes a game called “Mime an Emotion” which helps children to develop emotional recognition and expression in a playful way. This kind of explicit learning compensates for difficulties in intuitive acquisition.
Naming emotions for the person when they seem to be experiencing them can help them build their emotional vocabulary. “You seem frustrated because the puzzle isn’t working the way you wanted it to” or “I wonder if you’re feeling a bit sad today” offers words for experiences that can remain confusing.
Creating moments dedicated to emotional exploration makes it possible to address this subject outside of moments of crisis. Watching films and discussing the emotions of the characters, reading books that explore feelings, discussing the day’s events by including the emotional dimension: these practices gradually develop emotional awareness.
The consequences of emotional misunderstandings
Misunderstandings about the emotions surrounding Asperger’s autism can have significant consequences for the person and his or her relationships. Recognizing them can help prevent them.
The feeling of being misunderstood is probably the most painful consequence. Experiencing intense emotions while being perceived as indifferent creates a gap between inner experience and outer perception. This gap can lead to a profound sense of loneliness and isolation.
Guilt may arise when the person perceives that they are not reacting “as they should”. He or she may feel defective, abnormal, unable to express the emotions expected of him or her. This guilt can aggravate emotional difficulties rather than resolve them.
Conflicts in relationships often arise from these misunderstandings. The relative who feels ignored because his or her affectionate gesture has not received the expected response, the parent who worries about his or her child’s lack of reaction, the friend who feels let down by behavior perceived as distant: these situations can create tensions that escalate if the misunderstanding is not cleared up.
Emotional masking, i.e. the effort to display expected emotions even when they don’t match our feelings, may seem like a solution, but it comes at a considerable cost. Forcing a smile when you don’t feel joy, feigning enthusiasm when you’re exhausted: these coping efforts contribute to mental load and exhaustion.
Creating space for authentic emotional expression
Supporting autistic Asperger’s emotions involves creating an environment where authentic expression is possible, in the form it naturally takes in the person.
Accepting atypical emotional expressions is an essential first step. Stims of joy, delayed reactions, verbal rather than facial expressions: all these forms of expression deserve to be recognized and validated rather than corrected.
Avoiding forcing conventional expressions respects the person’s authenticity. Demanding a smile, a hug or an enthusiastic “thank you” when the person can’t provide it naturally creates stress and inauthenticity.
Asking direct questions about how you feel gives you access to emotions that don’t come up spontaneously. Asking “How do you feel?” or “Does that make you happy?” opens up a channel for verbal communication when non-verbal expression isn’t enough.
Respecting emotional processing time avoids pushing for immediate reactions. If the person needs time to understand what they’re feeling and how to express it, give them this time without pressure.
Training to better understand Asperger’s emotions
Autism Asperger’s emotions are part of a set of invisible features that need to be understood as a whole. DYNSEO’s “Autism Asperger’s: understanding the invisible particularities” course offers this in-depth understanding.
Discover the training : https://www.dynseo.com/en/courses/asperger-autism-understanding-invisible-characteristics-cours/
This training course helps caregivers see beyond appearances, recognize the emotions behind a neutral face and adapt their communication to create authentic emotional exchanges.
The “Autism in children: understanding and accompanying emotions and outbursts” training course specifically addresses this dimension for the very young.
Conclusion: real emotions worth seeing
Autistic Asperger’s emotions are not absent: they are intense, deep, and simply expressed differently. Acknowledging this reality transforms the relationship between the person and those around him/her, enabling a more authentic mutual understanding.
Learning to read atypical emotional expressions, asking the right questions, creating space for authenticity: these skills are acquired with patience and openness. They enable us to discover a rich emotional world that is often masked by appearances.
Each Asperger’s person has his or her own style of emotional expression. Observing, listening, adapting: this is the path to a truly personalized understanding that honors the intensity of the emotions experienced, even when they remain invisible at first glance.
By changing the way we perceive the emotions of the person we’re accompanying, we give them the recognition they deserve and open the door to deeper, truer relationships.
