A powerful tool at your fingertips
“Take a deep breath,” “Calm down, breathe”… We have all heard these pieces of advice and perhaps even repeated them to our children during an anxiety crisis. But most often, when faced with a child overwhelmed by fear or anxiety, these words seem to bounce off without effect. The child continues to gasp, cry, and fidget, and we feel helpless.
However, breathing is not just common sense advice or a cliché phrase to buy time. It is an extraordinarily powerful neurobiological tool, the only one that allows us to act directly and voluntarily on the nervous system to transition from a state of alertness to a state of calm. Science has extensively documented these mechanisms, and breathing techniques are now used in the most serious therapeutic protocols to treat anxiety.
The problem is that for breathing to work, it must be used correctly, at the right time, and after prior learning. Telling a child in the midst of a panic to “breathe” without having taught them how and why is like asking them to swim without ever having shown them the movements.
In this article, we will explore in depth why and how breathing affects anxiety, what the neurological mechanisms at play are, and how to prepare your child to effectively use this tool that will always be with them.
The nervous system: understanding to act
The two branches of the autonomic nervous system
To understand the power of breathing on anxiety, we must first understand how the autonomic nervous system works. This system, as its name suggests, operates automatically, without us needing to think about it. It controls the vital functions of the body: heart rate, digestion, temperature, basic respiration, etc.
The autonomic nervous system is divided into two branches that function in opposition: the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system.
The sympathetic nervous system is the “emergency system.” It activates in the face of danger, preparing the body to fight or flee. When it activates, the heart rate increases, breathing becomes rapid and shallow, muscles tense, digestion halts, and attention focuses on the threat. This is the stress response.
The parasympathetic nervous system is the “rest system.” It allows the body to relax, recover, digest, and sleep. When it activates, the heart slows down, breathing becomes slow and deep, muscles relax, and digestion resumes. This is the state of calm.
These two systems function in a seesaw manner: when one activates, the other deactivates. Anxiety corresponds to an overactivation of the sympathetic system, with the parasympathetic system struggling to regain control.
Anxiety as an imbalance of the nervous system
In the anxious child, the sympathetic system is chronically on alert. The slightest stimulus can trigger a disproportionate stress response. The body remains tense, the heart beats fast, and breathing stays shallow, even in the absence of real danger.
This imbalance creates a vicious cycle. The activation of the sympathetic system generates physical sensations (rapid heartbeat, tense muscles, short breath) that are themselves interpreted as signs of danger, further reinforcing sympathetic activation.
The child finds themselves trapped in a state of constant vigilance that is exhausting, uncomfortable, and prevents them from functioning normally. Their nervous system “sticks” in alert mode and struggles to return to a state of calm.
The vagus nerve: the conductor of calm
At the heart of the parasympathetic system lies a remarkable nerve: the vagus nerve, also known as the pneumogastric nerve. It is the longest nerve in the human body, connecting the brain to almost all internal organs.
The vagus nerve is the main conduit for returning to calm. When activated, it sends signals to the entire body to slow down, relax, and recover. It releases acetylcholine which slows the heart, promotes digestion, and relaxes smooth muscles.
What makes the vagus nerve particularly interesting is that it can be voluntarily stimulated. Unlike heart rate or blood pressure, which we cannot directly control by will, breathing is both automatic and voluntary. And breathing, in fact, is intimately linked to the vagus nerve.
How breathing affects anxiety
Breathing as a switch for the nervous system
Here is the key mechanism: the way we breathe directly influences which of the two nervous systems (sympathetic or parasympathetic) is activated.
Rapid, shallow, chest breathing (the kind we naturally have in stressful situations) activates the sympathetic system. It sends the message to the brain: “There is danger, stay alert.”
Slow, deep, abdominal breathing (the kind we naturally have at rest) activates the parasympathetic system. It sends the message to the brain: “Everything is fine, you can relax.”
This connection exists because breathing is managed by the same nerve centers that regulate the autonomic system. When we voluntarily modify our breathing, we send direct signals to these centers, which adjust the sympathetic/parasympathetic balance accordingly.
Exhalation: the key to relaxation
In respiratory mechanics, it is expiration that particularly stimulates the vagus nerve and activates the parasympathetic system.
During inspiration, the heart slightly accelerates (normal heart rate variability). During expiration, the heart slows down. By lengthening the expiration compared to the inspiration, we prolong the phase of heart slowing and strengthen parasympathetic activation.
This is why anti-anxiety breathing techniques generally emphasize a longer expiration than inspiration. The famous 4-7-8 technique (inspiration for 4 counts, retention for 7 counts, expiration for 8 counts) precisely exploits this principle: the expiration lasts twice as long as the inspiration.
Abdominal breathing: mobilizing the diaphragm
The diaphragm, this dome-shaped muscle located between the thorax and abdomen, plays a crucial role in calming breathing.
When we breathe superficially (chest breathing), only the intercostal muscles work, and the diaphragm remains relatively still. This type of breathing is typical of a stress state.
When we breathe deeply by “inflating the belly” (abdominal or diaphragmatic breathing), the diaphragm actively descends, massaging the internal organs and directly stimulating the vagus nerve that passes through the diaphragm.
This mechanical stimulation of the vagus nerve by the movement of the diaphragm amplifies the calming effect of slow breathing. This is why all anti-anxiety breathing techniques start with learning to breathe “with the belly.”
Cascading physiological effects
When a child practices slow, deep, abdominal breathing, a cascade of physiological effects occurs.
The heart rate slows down. The heart that was beating too fast returns to a normal rhythm, eliminating that unpleasant sensation of palpitations.
Muscle tension decreases. The muscles tense from stress begin to relax, particularly the neck, shoulder, and jaw muscles that are often tight in anxious children.
Blood pressure drops. The entire cardiovascular system relaxes.
Digestion resumes. The digestive system, blocked by stress, gets back to work (which can help with those famous stomach aches related to anxiety).
Stress hormones decrease. Cortisol and adrenaline, which maintain the state of alertness, see their levels drop.
The rational brain reconnects. When the body calms down, the prefrontal cortex (seat of reasoning) can regain control over the amygdala (seat of fear). The child can think, reason, and put things into perspective again.
Why anxious children breathe poorly
Anxiety breathing
An anxious child often develops breathing habits that maintain their anxiety without them being aware of it.
Rapid and shallow breathing is typical. The child takes many small chest breaths, never really emptying their lungs or using their diaphragm.
Blocked breathing is common. The child unconsciously holds their breath, creating moments of apnea that maintain tension.
Reverse breathing can be observed in some children who, paradoxically, pull in their belly during inspiration instead of inflating it, thus blocking the work of the diaphragm.
Hyperventilation can occur in cases of intense stress. The child breathes too quickly and too forcefully, eliminating too much CO2, which creates sensations of dizziness, tingling, and blurred vision that further increase panic.
A vicious circle to break
These poor breathing habits create a vicious circle. Anxiety causes dysfunctional breathing. This dysfunctional breathing maintains the activation of the sympathetic system. This activation maintains anxiety. And so on.
The good news is that this circle can be broken. By relearning to breathe correctly, the child can use this same loop in reverse: correct breathing activates the parasympathetic system, which reduces anxiety, which facilitates maintaining correct breathing.
Breathing is learned
Contrary to what one might think, “good” breathing does not come naturally, especially for an anxious child whose breathing habits have been disrupted for a long time.
Babies naturally breathe with their belly (watch a sleeping baby: it’s their belly that rises, not their chest). But over time, stress and postural habits cause many children to lose this natural breathing.
Abdominal breathing must therefore be relearned, consciously, until it becomes automatic again. This learning takes time and requires regular practice, not just in crisis situations.
Teaching breathing to the child
Start with play and observation
Before learning techniques, the child must first become aware of their breathing, this function so automatic that we forget it.
Observation games can be proposed. Lie down with the child and place your hands on your belly together. “What happens when you breathe?” Observe together the movement, rhythms, and differences between calm breathing and rapid breathing.
Comparison games can be fun. “Let’s breathe like a rabbit very softly,” “Now like a dog that has run very fast,” “Now like someone who is sleeping deeply.” The child explores different ways of breathing and their sensations.
This playful exploration allows the child to become aware of their breathing without pressure or stakes, preparing the ground for learning the techniques.
The techniques adapted for children
Breathing techniques for adults must be adapted for children to be effective and engaging.
Abdominal breathing (or “balloon breathing”) is the foundation. The child imagines they have a balloon in their belly: on inhalation, the balloon inflates, on exhalation, the balloon deflates. You can place a small light object on their belly (a soft toy, a stuffed animal) and ask them to make it rise and fall with their breathing.
Bubble breathing is excellent for young children. Blowing bubbles requires a slow and controlled breath, exactly what is needed to activate the parasympathetic system. It is playful and concrete.
The flower and candle breathing is another effective metaphor. The child imagines they are smelling a flower (slow inhalation through the nose) and then blowing on a candle without extinguishing it (long and gentle exhalation through the mouth).
Square breathing is suitable for older children. You inhale while counting to 4, hold while counting to 4, exhale while counting to 4, wait while counting to 4, then start again. This structured technique helps to focus attention.
The 4-7-8 technique (inspired by Dr. Andrew Weil) is powerful but requires more mastery. It is suitable for preteens and teenagers: inhale through the nose for 4 counts, hold for 7 counts, exhale through the mouth for 8 counts.
Regular practice outside of crisis
This is the most crucial and often overlooked point: breathing must be practiced regularly outside of crisis moments.
During an anxiety crisis, the emotional brain (the amygdala) is in charge. The child is overwhelmed, unable to learn something new or even remember what they have learned. It is the worst time to try to teach a technique.
On the other hand, if the child has practiced breathing many times in a calm state, the technique becomes an automatic response stored in their procedural memory. When the crisis occurs, they can access this automatic response even if their rational brain is offline.
Ideally, breathing should be practiced every day at fixed times: upon waking, before homework, before bedtime. These daily appointments anchor the habit and create positive associations.
Supporting during the crisis
When the child is in crisis, our role is to guide them rather than asking them to do it alone.
Model the breathing yourself. Breathe slowly, visibly, with large movements of your own belly. The child will tend to synchronize their breathing with yours (the phenomenon of “co-regulation”).
Verbally guide with a calm and slow voice. “Inhale with me… that’s good… now we blow gently… there you go… once more…” The rhythm of your voice sets the tempo.
Offer a concrete support if the child is unable to connect with their breathing. “Put your hand on your belly like we learned. Let’s inflate the balloon together.”
Stay patient and persistent. The first times, the child may not succeed, reject the exercise, or take time to calm down. This is normal. With practice, the results will come.
Digital tools for breathing
Apps for practice
Technology can be a valuable ally for learning and practicing breathing.
COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES, the app designed for children aged 5 to 10, integrates calm mode activities that promote relaxation and regulation. The mandatory sports breaks every 15 minutes also help the child regulate their physiological activation level, thus preparing a favorable ground for good breathing.
Discover COCO THINKS and COCO MOVES
For middle and high school students, CLINT, the brain coach offers cognitive exercises that require concentration and calm. The short sessions of 10-15 minutes can be preceded or followed by breathing exercises, creating a complete regulation routine.
Discover CLINT, the brain coach
There are also apps specifically dedicated to breathing (like Respirelax, Calm, Headspace) that offer visual and auditory guidance suitable for children.
The limits of digital tools
Apps are a supplement, not a replacement. Learning to breathe remains primarily a moment of connection and sharing between the parent and the child. Practicing together, looking at each other, synchronizing: this relational dimension is precious.
Moreover, the ultimate goal is for the child to be able to use their breathing anywhere, anytime, without needing a screen. Apps help with learning, but the child must also practice without them.
Training to master the techniques
Training for comprehensive support
Breathing is one tool among others in supporting anxiety. To use it effectively and integrate it into a comprehensive strategy, training is a valuable investment.
The training “Supporting an anxious child: rituals, breathing, anchors” offered by DYNSEO dedicates a significant part to breathing techniques. It allows for a deep understanding of the mechanisms, mastering several techniques suitable for different ages, and knowing how to teach and use them with the child.
Discover the training Supporting an Anxious Child
For children whose anxiety is accompanied by emotional hypersensitivity, the training “Managing the Emotions of a Hypersensitive Child” provides additional tools to understand and support this particular profile.
Discover the training Managing the Emotions of a Hypersensitive Child
Common Mistakes and Solutions
Waiting for the Crisis to Act
The most common mistake is to only use the breathing tool at the moment of the crisis. At this point, the child is too overwhelmed to learn or even remember. Breathing must be practiced daily, preventively, to become a reflex available when needed.
Giving Vague Instructions
“Breathe” or “Calm down” are too vague instructions for a child in crisis. Concrete guidance is needed: “Put your hand on your belly. Inhale through your nose counting to 4. Inflate your belly. Now exhale through your mouth counting to 6.”
Being Impatient or Anxious Yourself
The child senses our emotional state. If we are stressed or frustrated during the exercise, we transmit that stress. Before helping the child to breathe, let’s take a few deep breaths ourselves to be calm and available.
Neglecting the Playful Aspect
For young children, breathing exercises must remain games, not chores. Metaphors (the balloon, bubbles, the flower, and the candle), props (feathers, pinwheels, soap bubbles), and stories make the practice enjoyable and motivating.
Giving Up Too Soon
The effects of breathing are not always immediate, especially at the beginning. It may take several minutes of practice to observe a calming effect. And it is with regular practice over several weeks that the benefits truly take root. Perseverance is essential.
Conclusion: A Superpower to Cultivate
Breathing may be the most powerful anti-anxiety tool available to a human being. Free, always available, with no side effects, scientifically proven effective: it’s hard to do better.
For the anxious child, learning to use their breathing is a true superpower. A power they carry everywhere with them, that depends on no one else, that does not wear out or get lost. A power that grows with practice and will serve them throughout their life.
Learning takes time, patience, and repetition. There will be moments when the child will struggle, when they will reject the exercise, when results will be slow to appear. This is normal. Like any important learning, mastering breathing is built gradually.
But each practice session, even imperfect, strengthens the neurological circuits of relaxation. Each long, deep exhale reminds the nervous system that it can calm down. Each success, even partial, builds the child’s confidence in their ability to self-regulate.
By teaching your child to breathe, you offer them much more than a technique for managing anxiety. You provide them with proof that their body and mind are connected, that they can act on their internal states, that they are not passive victims of their emotions. It is a lesson in autonomy and confidence that will carry them well beyond childhood.