title: Siblings facing Down syndrome: managing jealousy, responsibilities, and sibling relationships
description: A complete guide to support the siblings of children with Down syndrome: managing jealousy, avoiding over-responsibility, cultivating a healthy sibling relationship, supporting the siblings, and maintaining family balance.
keywords: sibling Down syndrome 21, brother sister child with Down syndrome, jealousy sibling disability, over-responsibility sibling, sibling relationship Down syndrome, support sibling disability
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Down syndrome 21, siblings, brothers and sisters, jealousy, sibling relationship, family balance, support
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Reading time: 19 minutes
"My eldest daughter is jealous of the attention given to her brother with Down syndrome." "My son says he will have to take care of his sister for life, it stresses him out." "How do we explain the disability to them?" "She is ashamed of her brother at school." "How do we preserve their relationship without overloading them?"
Having a brother or sister with Down syndrome is a complex experience for siblings: pride and love, but also sometimes jealousy, shame, guilt, fear of the future, over-responsibility. Parents, focused on the child with Down syndrome, sometimes forget the needs of the other children.
However, with communication, balance, and support, the sibling relationship can be wonderful, enriching for everyone. This guide helps you support the siblings, prevent difficulties, and cultivate strong and healthy bonds.
Table of Contents
3. Avoiding over-responsibility
The emotions of siblings {#emotions}
Positive emotions
Love, tenderness
"He's my little brother, I love him."
Pride
"My sister won her race at the Special Olympics!"
Developed empathy
Understanding difference, being tolerant, kind.
Maturity
Often more mature, responsible than their peers.
Difficult emotions
Jealousy
"You always take care of him, never of me!"
Shame (especially during adolescence)
"My friends make fun of my brother."
Guilt
"I'm healthy, he's not. It's not fair."
"I was mean to him, I'm horrible."
Anger
"Why do we always have to adapt our lives because of him?"
Fear of the future
"Who will take care of him when my parents are old? Will it be me?"
Loneliness
"No one understands what I'm going through."
All these emotions are normal, legitimate.
Managing jealousy {#jalousie}
Why jealousy?
Unbalanced parental attention: More time, energy, money for the child with Down syndrome.
Outings, activities adapted to the pace of the child with Down syndrome (not to that of the siblings).
Feeling of abandonment: "I don't matter as much as he does."
Signs of jealousy
- Regressions (bedwetting, baby talk)
- Provocative behaviors ("You prefer [brother/sister]!")
- Withdrawal, sadness
- Aggressiveness towards the sibling with Down syndrome
- Reading a story (just the two of you)
- Playing a board game
- Special outing (movie, park)
- The eldest wants to go to the amusement park (too stimulating for the child with Down syndrome) → Go with the eldest, the other parent stays with the child with Down syndrome
- Activities suitable for each child's age
How to reduce jealousy
1. Individual time with each child
Essential: Special moments (15-30 min/day) with each child, without the other.
Examples:
Message: "You are important, you exist for me."
2. Value the siblings
Compliment, congratulate for their achievements (academic, sports, artistic).
Do not bring everything back to the child with Down syndrome.
3. Respect their specific needs
Do not adapt everything to the pace of the child with Down syndrome.
Examples:
4. Fair sharing (not equal)
Fair ≠ equal.
Each receives according to their needs (not necessarily the same thing).
Explain: "Your brother needs speech therapy, you need piano lessons. Everyone gets what they need."
5. Legitimize emotions
"You have the right to be jealous, it's normal. Come on, let's talk about it."
Do not deny, do not guilt-trip.
Avoiding over-responsibility {#surresponsabilisation}
The risk of "parentification"
Parentification: The child (often the eldest) takes on a parental role towards the sibling with Down syndrome.
Examples:
Consequences:
Signs of over-responsibility
How to avoid
1. Clarify roles
"You are his brother/sister, not his parent. We, the parents, take care of him."
Do not delegate parental responsibilities.
2. Age-appropriate requests
Child (5-10 years): Play together, supervise for 5 min (occasionally).
Teen (11-15 years): Help occasionally, but not be the permanent guardian.
Adult (18+): Can choose to get involved, but without obligation.
3. Do not talk about the future too early
Do not say: "When we are dead, you will have to take care of him."
Too heavy, too anxiety-inducing for a child/teen.
Address the future (guardianship, housing) when the siblings are adults, mature, and only if they agree.
4. Respect their life
They have the right to:
No pressure, no guilt-tripping.
Explaining the disability {#expliquer}
Adapt to age
Young child (3-6 years):
"[First name] was born with something called Down syndrome. It means he learns more slowly. He needs more help. But he is your brother/sister, and we love him."
Child (7-12 years):
"Down syndrome is when you have an extra chromosome. It makes the brain work differently. [First name] has difficulty speaking, learning, but he is making progress. And he has many qualities!"
Teenager:
More detailed explanation (genetics, characteristics, prognosis).
Answer their questions honestly.
Focus on similarities
"You both love [activity]. You are siblings, you love each other."
Do not reduce the child with Down syndrome to their disability.
Answer questions
"Why is he like that?"
→ "It's genetic, he was born that way. It's nobody's fault."
"Am I going to become Down syndrome too?"
→ "No, you can't 'catch' Down syndrome. It's not an illness, you are born with it."
"Is he going to die?"
→ "Everyone dies someday. But with the right care, [First name] can live a long time and be happy."
"Why do people look at him strangely?"
→ "Because they don't understand. But we know he is wonderful just the way he is."
Cultivating a healthy sibling relationship {#relation}
Activities together
Playing together
Games that both enjoy.
Family outings
Park, zoo, cinema.
Complicity
Jokes, shared secrets.
Respect differences
Everyone has their own pace, their own abilities.
Do not force the siblings to always play with the brother/sister with Down syndrome (they have the right to their own life, their friends).
Encourage helping each other (without pressure)
Occasionally ask: "Can you help your brother put on his shoes?"
But do not impose it systematically.
Value when they help each other spontaneously: "It's nice of you to help your sister!"
Manage conflicts normally
Fights are normal between siblings.
Do not always protect the child with Down syndrome ("He is disabled, be nice!").
Treat fairly: If there is a fight, both are responsible (unless one is clearly the victim).
Create positive memories
Photos, videos of good times together.
Album: "Our adventures with [First name] and [First name]."
Strengthens the bond, creates happy memories.
Supporting the siblings {#soutien}
1. Active listening
Take the time to listen (15 min/day minimum).
Open questions:
Welcome emotions (even negative) without judgment.
2. Sibling support groups
Associations (Down Syndrome France, Unapei) organize groups for brothers/sisters.
Meet other siblings: "I'm not alone, others go through this."
Share, support each other.
3. Books, resources
Children's books about siblings and disability:
Read together, talk about it.
4. Psychologist if needed
If suffering (persistent sadness, behavioral issues, anxiety):
Consult a psychologist (for the child alone, or family therapy).
Free up speech, untangle knots.
5. Value their role (without pressure)
"You are a great big brother/great big sister. [First name] is lucky to have you."
But: Without overdoing it (risk of pressure).
6. Offer them their own spaces
Activities without the brother/sister with Down syndrome:
Right to an independent life.
Testimonials
Clara, 16 years old, sister of Théo (12 years old, with Down syndrome)
"Sometimes it's hard. My parents are always focused on Théo. But I've learned to talk about it. And I love Théo. He is funny, affectionate. Yes, sometimes I'm ashamed when my friends see him. But I'm learning to own it. He's my brother."
Lucas, 10 years old, brother of Emma (7 years old, with Down syndrome)
"Emma is my little sister. She is funny. Sometimes she annoys me (like all little sisters!). But I love her. I help her with puzzles. She is happy."
Sophie, adult, sister of an adult with Down syndrome
"I am 35 years old, my brother is 30. As a child, I was jealous. As a teenager, I was ashamed. As an adult, I realize how lucky I am. My brother taught me empathy, tolerance. He made me better. Today, we are close. I help him with certain things, but it's natural, not an obligation."
Conclusion: Siblings, a treasure to protect
The siblings of children with Down syndrome experience a unique, sometimes difficult, but often enriching experience. With communication, balance, support, and respect for their needs, the sibling relationship can be wonderful, a source of pride, love, and complicity.
The keys to supporting the siblings:
1. Individual time with each child
2. Legitimize emotions (jealousy, anger, shame)
3. Avoid over-responsibility (no parentification)
4. Explain the disability (age-appropriate)
5. Cultivate shared activities (complicity)
6. Support (listening, support groups, psychologist if needed)
7. Respect their life (right to independence)
The siblings are a treasure. Protect them, support them, value them. These children grow up, become empathetic, tolerant adults, rich in a unique experience. Support them. They are worth it.
DYNSEO resources for the whole family:
Associations with sibling groups:
Brothers, sisters: you are important. Your parents love you. Your voice matters. Do not be afraid to say what you feel. You are not alone.
