Theft accusations: understanding, validating emotion, securing objects

Understanding the mechanisms behind accusations

Why do these accusations occur?

Accusations of theft among the elderly, particularly those with cognitive disorders, are not random. Several mechanisms can explain them:

In Alzheimer's disease and related disorders, short-term memory is affected early on. The person forgets where they placed an item, does not remember having moved it. Faced with the absence of the item and the inability to explain its disappearance, the brain seeks a logical explanation: someone took it.

This mechanism is called “confabulation”: the brain fills memory gaps with plausible explanations that the person sincerely believes to be true. They are not inventing, not lying: they are filling a void with what seems logical to them.

With aging and cognitive disorders, the feeling of insecurity increases. The person feels they are losing control, that the world is slipping away from them. Accusing someone of theft can be a way to externalize this anxiety, to find an external cause for this feeling of loss.

Items often have strong symbolic value (family jewelry, wallet containing identification papers...). Their imaginary “disappearance” sometimes reflects a deeper fear of losing one's identity, history, or place.

In some forms of dementia or psychiatric disorders, true delusional ideas can appear. The person is then convinced they are a victim of theft, conspiracy, or malice. These ideas resist any rational argument.

Sometimes, accusing others allows one to avoid facing their own difficulties. “It’s not me who is losing my things; it’s someone who is taking them” is more acceptable than “I can’t remember where I put things.”

In some cases, accusations can be a way to attract attention, to create a bond, even if negative. The isolated person, who feels alone, may find in the accusation a way to mobilize their surroundings.

Who is generally accused?

Accusations are generally directed at the closest people:

This phenomenon may seem paradoxical: we accuse those who help us the most. But it is precisely because they are present and close that they become “logical suspects” for the brain seeking an explanation.

The impact on professionals

These accusations are distressing for professionals:

• Feeling of injustice

• Personal injury

• Anger, frustration

• Self-doubt

• Fear of professional consequences

• Deterioration of trust

• Difficulty continuing support

• Discomfort during subsequent interventions

• Risk of complaint or reporting

• Need to justify oneself

• Impact on reputation

It is essential to understand that these accusations, in the vast majority of cases, are not based on reality but on a dysfunction related to the illness. This understanding does not erase the hurt, but it allows one to put it into perspective and not take it personally.

Reacting to accusations: the right attitude

What NOT to do

The instinct is to defend oneself, to prove one’s innocence. But faced with a convinced person, rational arguments are ineffective and can even worsen the situation. “I didn’t take anything!”, “How dare you!” are likely to create an escalation.

“But come on, you put it away yourself yesterday!”, “It’s because of your memory”... These responses, even if true, are humiliating and do not resolve anything. They can reinforce anxiety and aggression.

Easier said than done, but essential. The person is not attacking you as a person; they are expressing a symptom of their illness.

“Oh, it’s nothing, we’ll find it” can be experienced as a denial of the distress felt.

The right attitude: validate the emotion

The key is to acknowledge and validate the emotion without confirming the accusation.

Let the person express what they feel. Really listen, with attention and respect. This listening, in itself, is soothing.

“I understand that you are worried about not finding your wallet.”

“It’s really upsetting not to find your jewelry.”

“I see that this makes you angry; it’s normal to react this way.”

You acknowledge what the person feels (worry, anger, fear) without validating the accusation itself.

“Do you want us to look together?”

“I will help you find your wallet.”

This offer transforms the accuser and the accused into partners united in a common search.

In many cases, the item is found in an unusual place where the person put it and forgot. The person’s relief is then visible. Avoid “I told you so”; a simple “Ah, there it is! You must be relieved” is enough.

If the item remains lost, do not insist. Reassure: “We will continue to look; it will reappear.” Then attempt a gentle diversion to another activity.

Examples of appropriate responses

| What the person says | Inappropriate response | Appropriate response |

|------------------------|-------------------|-----------------|

| “You stole my money!” | “I didn’t steal anything! That’s false!” | “It’s really concerning not to find your money. Let’s look together.” |

| “Someone is rummaging through my things!” | “No one has touched your things.” | “It must be disturbing not to find your things. Show me where you usually keep them.” |

| “My daughter is stealing my jewelry!” | “Your daughter would never do that!” | “Your jewelry is precious to you. Where did you usually keep it?” |

Preventive strategies: securing belongings

Identify “sensitive” items

Some items are more often at the heart of accusations:

• The wallet: contains money and identification papers

• The jewelry: sentimental and material value

• The keys: symbol of autonomy and security

• The photos: connection with history and loved ones

• Important papers: feeling of control over one’s life

Identifying these items allows for the implementation of specific strategies.

Create “designated places”

• A specific drawer for the wallet

• A jewelry box always in the same place

• A hook for the keys near the entrance

• Labels or photos indicating the contents

• Distinctive colors

• Visible and accessible locations

• Always put the item back in the same place after use

• Accompany the person in this organization

Reduce circulating items

• Limit the number of valuable items present

• Store unused items

• Avoid accumulation

• Store very valuable items with the family’s agreement

• Offer “doubles” for frequently lost items

• Limit cash present in the home

Document and track

• List of valuable items present in the home

• With the family’s agreement, photos of jewelry and precious items

• Note in the communication book the items handled

• Report any changes in the storage of belongings

• Document accusations and their resolution

This documentation protects the professional in case of persistent accusations or complaints.

Coordination with the team and family

Inform and involve the family

• Accusations are a common symptom of cognitive disorders

• They do not reflect reality

• They are not directed against a particular person

• Where to store important items?

• Which items to secure elsewhere?

• How to react in case of accusation?

• Inform the family of episodes of accusation

• Avoid misunderstandings and suspicions

The role of the team

• To support the professional

• To document situations

• To coordinate with the family and caregivers

• To correct professional practices

• To the repeated occurrence of these episodes

• To the cognitive state of the person

• To repeated accusations that may signal cognitive deterioration

• To persistent delusional ideas that may require treatment

When the situation becomes problematic

Persistent and invasive accusations

When accusations become daily, obsessive, and severely disrupt daily life, it is necessary to alert:

• The primary care physician: evaluation of cognitive state, searching for an intercurrent cause (infection, pain...), adjusting treatment

• The psychiatrist or geriatrician if necessary: some treatments can alleviate delusional ideas

Protect the professional

If accusations put the professional in difficulty:

• To the employer

• In the communication book

• In writing if necessary

• Ask for support

• Propose a change of caregiver if necessary

• Seek psychological support

• Stay calm

• Provide all written evidence

• Rely on the employer

• Recall the medical context of the person

Cognitive stimulation: a preventive lever

Maintain cognitive abilities

Regular cognitive stimulation can help slow decline and limit certain behavioral disorders:

The EDITH program from DYNSEO offers memory games adapted for the elderly, including those with cognitive disorders. By regularly stimulating memory and other cognitive functions, EDITH can help maintain the person’s abilities longer and reduce their anxiety. Moreover, these shared play moments strengthen the trust relationship between the caregiver and the person, which can help prevent accusations.

Training for professionals

The training “Stimulating and Creating Bonds with DYNSEO Games” allows professionals to better understand cognitive disorders and their behavioral manifestations. It provides keys to create a strong trust relationship that can withstand difficult episodes such as theft accusations.

Practical resources

The Home Care Toolkit from DYNSEO offers concrete resources for daily support, including advice on managing difficult situations and maintaining a quality relationship despite behavioral disorders.

Taking care of oneself in these situations

Recognizing the emotional impact

Being accused of theft, even by a person with cognitive disorders, is hurtful. It is normal to feel:

• Anger

• Sadness

• Injustice

• Discouragement

Not denying these emotions, recognizing and expressing them is important to avoid letting them accumulate.

Support resources

• With colleagues who are experiencing the same situations

• With the service manager

• With trusted loved ones

• Team meetings

• Support groups

• Practice analysis

• Remember that it’s not personal

• Recall the positive moments of the relationship

• Recognize the value of your work despite these difficulties

Conclusion: beyond the accusation, maintaining the link

The accusations of theft are a trial for home care professionals, but they do not have to destroy the relationship. By understanding that they are a symptom and not a personal attack, by knowing how to respond with emotional validation rather than defensive justification, and by implementing preventive strategies, it is possible to navigate these difficult moments while preserving the dignity of everyone involved.

The keys to achieving this are:

• Understanding the mechanisms: the person is not really accusing you; they are expressing a symptom

• Validating the emotion: recognizing worry or anger without confirming the accusation

• Offering help: searching together transforms confrontation into collaboration

• Preventing: organizing the environment to limit the “disappearances” of items

• Protecting oneself: documenting, tracking, not staying alone

• Taking care of oneself: recognizing the emotional impact and seeking support

Behind every accusation, there is a person suffering from losing control, not understanding their world, feeling that something is slipping away from them. By responding with compassion rather than defensiveness, we can maintain the human link that gives value to our support.

DYNSEO supports professionals in these complex situations with tools for cognitive stimulation, training, and practical resources. Together, let’s build support that withstands the storms.

• EDITH Program - Memory games adapted for seniors

• Training “Stimulating and Creating Bonds with DYNSEO Games”

• Home Care Toolkit