How to Foster Friendship and Social Relationships in an Autistic Child?
Strategies and tips to support your child in developing fulfilling social connections
Friendship and social relationships can be a challenging area for autistic children. Implicit social codes, non-verbal communication, and reciprocity in exchanges are less natural for them. However, contrary to some misconceptions, many autistic children want to have friends and suffer from their isolation. Supporting your child towards social relationships, at their own pace and according to their needs, is possible with the right strategies.
Understanding the Social Difficulties of Autism
The social difficulties of autistic children are not a lack of desire but a difference in functioning. Understanding implicit codes (irony, nuances, unspoken rules of interactions), reading facial expressions and body language, maintaining a reciprocal conversation, or understanding the other person's perspective are skills that do not come naturally. These difficulties can lead to misunderstandings, social awkwardness, and ultimately rejection or isolation.
Moreover, social interactions are energy-consuming for autistic individuals. While a neurotypical child interacts automatically, the autistic child must make a conscious effort to decode and adapt their behavior. This social fatigue can lead them to avoid interaction situations, not out of disinterest but out of exhaustion.
of autistic children want to have friends
report feeling often lonely
improvement with targeted support
Respecting the Child's Social Profile
Not all autistic children have the same social needs. Some desire many friends and interactions, others prefer one or two close friends, and some are satisfied with few social contacts. The goal is not to conform the child to a norm but to help them develop the skills necessary to reach the level of interaction they desire and that suits them.
Imposing unwanted or overly intense social situations can be counterproductive, generating anxiety and reinforcing avoidance. Observing your child, listening to them if they can express their wishes, and adjusting your expectations to their profile is essential. A fulfilled child with two close friends does not need to become the center of a large group.
The Different Social Profiles
Generally, three social profiles are distinguished among autistic individuals: the "isolated" profile (little apparent interest in interactions, satisfied alone), the "passive" profile (accepts interactions initiated by others but does not initiate them), and the "active but atypical" profile (actively seeks contact but in an awkward or inappropriate manner). These profiles can evolve with age and support. Understanding your child's profile guides the strategies to be implemented.
Teaching Social Skills
Social Skills Training Programs
Structured programs can explicitly teach what other children acquire implicitly: how to start a conversation, how to maintain a balanced exchange, how to join a group, how to manage a conflict, how to understand others' emotions. These programs, often led by professionals, use techniques such as role-playing, social scenarios, and video feedback.
Social Scenarios
Social scenarios are short stories that describe a social situation from the child's perspective, explaining what is happening, how others feel, and how the child can react. Read regularly, they prepare the child for real situations. Scenarios can be created for specific situations: joining children who are playing, responding when teased, inviting a friend over.
Example of a Social Scenario for Joining a Game
"At recess, sometimes I see children playing. I would like to play with them. I can approach and see what they are doing. I can say: 'Can I play with you?' Sometimes they will say yes, and I can play. Sometimes they will say no, and that’s okay. I can try again another time or find another game."
Practicing at Home
The family is a first safe training ground. Role-playing allows practicing social situations without real stakes. Board games teach turn-taking, rule-following, and managing the frustration of losing. Dinner table conversations develop reciprocal exchange skills. Value appropriate social behaviors when they occur.
COCO: Games to Share
The COCO THINK and COCO MOVE program from DYNSEO can be used as a shared activity support. Playing together on COCO creates interaction around a common interest. The active breaks COCO MOVE can be done in pairs, adding a dimension of sharing and common enjoyment. It’s a way to create positive moments of interaction, a prelude to friendships.
Discover COCOCreating Meeting Opportunities
Choosing the Right Contexts
The most favorable contexts for friendships for autistic children are often those centered around a shared interest. A club focused on the child's passion (computing, Lego, video games, astronomy, animals) offers a natural conversation topic and a common base. Interactions are less open than in the playground, making them more predictable.
Favoring Small Groups
Large groups are often too stimulating and unpredictable. Meetings in small committees (one child invited at a time to the house) are more manageable and allow for real interactions. Starting with short and structured times (a specific activity for one hour) facilitates success.
- Identify the child's interests to find suitable group activities
- Favor small groups or one-on-one meetings
- Structure meetings around a concrete activity
- Start with short times and gradually extend them
- Prepare the child before the meeting (who, what, how long)
- Supervise discreetly to help if necessary
- Debrief afterward to reinforce positive behaviors
- Maintain contact with the families of potential friends
Meeting Other Autistic Children
Friendships between autistic children can be particularly successful. Social misunderstandings are less frequent as both parties share similar difficulties. Intense interests can align. Leisure groups or associations for autistic individuals can be valuable meeting places.
"For years, my son had no friends at school. He told us he didn't know how to make friends. We enrolled him in a chess club, and everything changed. He met other passionate children like him. The conversations revolved around their common interest. Today, he has two real friends with whom he plays regularly. It's night and day."
Supporting Difficulties
Managing Rejection and Teasing
Unfortunately, autistic children are more often victims of rejection, teasing, and bullying. Preparing them for these situations (recognizing bullying, knowing who to turn to, developing response strategies) is important. Creating a caring school environment, with awareness among other students about differences, contributes to prevention.
Understanding Loneliness
If your child expresses feeling lonely or sad about their isolation, take these feelings seriously. The help of a professional (psychologist, social skills group) can be beneficial. But be careful not to project your own need for socialization: some autistic children do not suffer from their solitude and prefer it to difficult interactions.
DYNSEO Training for Parents
The training "Supporting a Child with Autism: Keys and Solutions for Daily Life" from DYNSEO addresses the development of social skills and offers concrete strategies to promote relationships with peers. A valuable resource for understanding and supporting your child in this delicate area.
Discover the Training💡 Additional Resources
The DYNSEO guide for supporting autistic children offers many strategies for daily life, including the development of social relationships. For teenagers and young adults, the guide for supporting autistic adults addresses the specifics of relationships in adulthood.
Conclusion: Friendships at Their Own Pace
Social relationships and friendship are possible for autistic children, even if the path is different. By respecting your child's social profile, explicitly teaching them the necessary skills, creating suitable opportunities, and supporting them through difficulties, you can help them develop enriching connections.
The goal is not for your child to have many friends or be popular, but to find relationships that suit them and bring them satisfaction. One or two authentic friendships are worth more than many superficial relationships. Quality matters more than quantity.
With patience, appropriate strategies, and sometimes the help of professionals, your child can develop the social skills they need and find people who appreciate them as they are. It is a journey that takes time but bears fruit.
